Cute as can be
by lydiasfears
Summary: A collection of snowbarry unrelated one shots. They all are mine, published also on tumblr. I'm taking prompts. English isn't my native language but I'm trying to write fanfiction the best I can.
1. Protecting her

**Title:** _Protecting her_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Cisco Ramon

 **Summary** **:** _Barry was in trouble. And that trouble had a name - Caitlin 'Furious' Snow._

 **Beta reader:** Caitlin51

 **A/N:** _I know it's really short but I hope next one will be longer._ _Please leave a review. It means a lot. Also I'm taking prompts :)_

Enjoy!

* * *

 ** _Protecting her_**

"You are extremely unreasonable, unthinking and irresponsible, Barry Allen!"

Cisco repeatedly dreamed about waking up one day in Barry's body. The guy was handsome, charming, well-liked, and most of all, had super powers. Who wouldn't like to be the Flash?

But this time, Cisco was immensely enjoying the fact that he was just an ordinary scientist with a crazy sense of humor. Because, that day, he really didn't envy Barry; quite frankly, he felt sorry for him.

Barry was in trouble. And that trouble had a name - Caitlin 'Furious' Snow.

"You realize that those words are practically synonyms, right?" Barry retorted, grinning.

Cisco thought that this response would likely trigger the storm and he wasn't wrong at all.

He glimpsed Caitlin's eyes widen with nerves as she squeezed the syringe and turned it in the Barry's direction. If Cisco was his metahuman friend, he would be terrified. Safe in his own skin, he took a sip of his vanilla milkshake.

"I don't think you realize the gravity of the situation," Caitlin scolded him. "You could've been killed!"

"Like a million times before. Being the Flash involves taking risks. You know that."

They both looked annoyed. It was like a duel, but instead of swords and shields, it was glances and words. Cisco wondered what arguments they would use and of course who would win. He was cheering them both on but secretly put 5 bucks on Caitlin.

"You were in danger because of your own recklessness!" She raised her voice, crossing her arms over her chest. "What were you thinking, standing alone against such a powerful enemy?"

"About you!" Barry blurted out before he had a chance to think. "He wanted to hurt you. I couldn't let that happen."

Caitlin didn't seem convinced. On the contrary, an even more menacing grimace appeared on her face. Cisco thought for a moment that it might be better to give them some privacy for the rest of their argument, but the thought didn't last long and he stayed, much too entertained to really want to leave.

Barry moaned in pain as Caitlin inserted the syringe into his arm with slightly more force than necessary. Hearing his protest, Caitlin rolled her eyes.

"This is what you wanted," she told him, but both Barry and Cisco could tell that Caitlin didn't really mean the callousness in her words. "I appreciate that you are trying to take care of me, but that doesn't mean you should push the limits of your powers. You're the Flash but you're not immortal."

"Could you just understand that I had to do everything I could to defeat him?" Barry stood up, looking into Caitlin's testy expression. "Even if it meant that I could die."

"You would die just to defeat him?" She stared at him incredulously. "You've lost your mind!"

Barry crossed the distance between them. Watching those two adorable dorks, Cisco imagined that he saw sparks bridging the distance between their bodies.

"I would die just to be sure that you're safe!" Barry practically screamed. "I would do anything to protect you because I love you!"

Awkward silence immediately reigned in Star Labs . Caitlin took a shallow breath, her cheeks flushed, and more impressively, it seemed like she wasn't mad anymore. She was unable to utter a single word, instead just stared at Barry with a dull but cute expression on her face mingled with her surprise.

The guy couldn't believe he had really said it. Out loud. Indeed, for some time he'd had feelings for Caitlin, but they were so deeply hidden that even he couldn't quite believe them.

But they were true. And finally they both knew that.

Actually, not just them. Cisco happily raised a milkshake, as if he was initiating a toast. He felt like a fanboy and he started to think about a ship name for Barry and Caitlin.

"I never thought I would live to see that," he smiled triumphantly. "I'll leave you two alone so that you can talk about this and do other things... you know. Bye lovebirds!"

Cisco walked out of the room. Willingly or unwillingly, because of him and his obvious happiness, Barry also grinned. Caitlin's face visibly brightened, even though she was still stunned.

"Coffee?" Barry suggested, feeling that his wounds had already healed. Also, everything was better. Especially Caitlin, who eventually smiled at him.

It made him feel so good.

"Yeah sure," she replied, nodding. "Don't think I'm not mad at you anymore. I guess we really need to talk, that's all."

"We do. Also, we can do other things," he joked, trying to lighten the mood. He didn't know what to say to not scare her. He had just confessed his love for her, after all. She was scared for sure. "Do you know what Cisco meant by that?"

Barry blinked. Is it possible that he just saw a playful smile on Caitlin's lips?

"I guess he meant this..."

Before Barry could react to those mysterious words, their lips met. The kiss was as tender and soft as he had always imagined.

At that point, he knew two things. Firstly, Caitlin apparently reciprocated his feelings, what gave him the courage to take her in his arms and deepen the kiss. They both immediately relaxed into the embrace. Secondly, if from this time forward Caitlin was going to always show her anger in such a way, he would argue with her all the time.


	2. Happiness

**Title:** _Happiness_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow

 **Summary:** _Is it a good idea to marry Ronnie? Caitlin isn't sure anymore._

 **Beta reader:** haelover

 **A/N:** _Missing scene from the last episode of season one._ _The wedding was too fast in my opinion... Btw I need prompts. Feel free to send me anything._

* * *

 _ **Happiness**_

It was her wedding day.

Only an hour separated her from the beginning of a happy life along Ronnie's side. She knew she should be exited, the preparations of the day should make her feel beyond happy. And yes, she may have felt excited, but mostly she was nervous… very nervous. To be honest, she wasn't as happy as everyone thought.

 _"_ When I tell him the sacramental 'yes', everything will be alright," she whispered reassuringly to the mirror. "I've been waiting for this for so long."

Caitlin was trying to avoid the direction her thoughts were taking; she was starting to realize that maybe her feeling had change. She's been single for a long time; living on her own, taking care of herself.

Yes, sometimes the loneliness tormented her, but she was never entirely alone. She had Dr. Wells, Cisco and Barry. Even though now she only had Cisco and Barry, she was happy with the live she had.

Recently, she managed to move on, come to terms with Ronnie's loss. Marrying him was associated with remembering months of utter despair, after his supposed death and when she did get him back she was constantly tormented with the fear that she might lose him again.

She didn't want to lose her friends. She didn't want to stop working at Star Labs. She have loved to spend time with Cisco and help Barry (The Flash too). Being with these wonderful people changed her; she was smiling and laughing more often. She was even able to tell jokes, although she wasn't good enough (yet).

The small knock on the door made her jump a little, when the door finally opened, she immediately felt relax when she saw the familiar face of Barry Allen. He crossed the threshold of the room in one swift movement and smiled gently at her. In his eyes you could see uncertainty, which resemble the one in her eyes.

"Barry," she said warmly. "What are doing here?"

"I wanted to check on you," he answered, looking at her for a moment. "Wow, you look… great."

For a moment she completely forgot about the wedding dress she was wearing. Caitlin didn't want to look at the mirror because of the fear of seeing her flushed cheeks.

His words automatically made a smile appear on her face and with boldness she didn't knew she had she slowly took a step towards Barry. "Thank you. I'm glad you're here."

She watched him intently. "Barry, are you okay?"

Barry scratched the back of his head and for a moment too long he stood staring at the marvel floor.

"Yeah… I'm fine. I'm happy for you," he sighed, glancing at her confused face. "And Ronnie. I'm just happy that you are happy." Being aware of the awkwardness between them, he faked a smile. "You deserve it, both of you deserve to be happy."

Caitlin giggled, but happiness failed to reach her eyes.

She laid a hand on his arm. "You're cute, Barry Allen. Especially when you babble like Felicity," she uttered with a smile.

"I don't! Do I?"

"Oh yes, you do." She bit her lip nervously. "Do you think that, in spite of my marriage, our friendship will survive?"

Barry looked at her in surprise, squeezing her hand. "Caitlin, you are my friend and you will always be. Nothing can change that."

For the first time since he entered the room he was looking directly at her eyes. "What's going on, Cait?"

At the use of her nick name she abruptly moved away from him. Barry was looking at her with so much care, making her feel like melting under his gaze. It wasn't the first time. She always felt that when Barry was staring at her intensively.

"Many things have changed and I just don't know if I'm doing well." It was the first time she was being honest with someone about that. She was finally being honest with Barry and with herself. "Don't get me wrong, I still love Ronnie, but I feel like in some sense I betrayed him by kissing someone else. By kissing you."

Barry's eyes widened in surprise. "I mean… I thought it was you. For real it was Everyman and he thought that you like me and that it would be okay to kiss me. So he kissed me and I-"

"Caitlin…"

"-I kind of enjoyed it," she finished.

They stood opposite to another in silence for a few seconds.

She wanted to sink into the ground and never have to see his shocked gaze again. However, a part from the surprise she could see something more in those beautiful green eyes, something she couldn't name.

"Now I know why he transformed into you when I fought him. And why he flirted with me," he nodded. "It makes sense now."

"Do not tease me, Barry!" She snapped. "Say that it doesn't change anything and please don't be mad at me."

"Caitlin,of course I'm not mad at you. How could I? It wasn't even real."

She still remembered the feeling of kissing Barry. It wasn't true, but it felt so genuine, for her it was kinda real.

"Consequently, we are only friends. A platonic relationship, right?"

Without hesitation he hugged her. She immediately relaxed in his arms.

These were the moments she cherished, when they exchanged glances, the lingering touches, smiling and laughing together; she felt so good in his company. She didn't want to lose it all.

"You're right. We're only friends," he whispered, voice filled with a hint of sadness. "Be happy, Caitlin. See you at the wedding."

Caitlin watched Barry leave the room, taking with him all the happiness she once felt.


	3. Tasty love

**Title:** _Tasty love_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Cisco Ramon

 **Summary:** " _Caitlin must be good in something that don't use brain, no?" by Raquel_

 **Beta reader:** Caitlin51

 **A/N:** _Finally something longer! Thank you Raquel for the prompt, I'll write another one soon :)_

* * *

 ** _Tasty love_**

Caitlin was upset. Not just because Barry had an important mission which implied a huge risk and quite possibly would put him in danger of dying, she had to get used to the constant worrying about him and waiting for his return. Nothing new, to be honest.

But this time, she felt more fear than ever before. She was afraid of the moment when she had to finally look him in the eyes and say what she had been planning in her head since early that morning.

"Yes!" Cisco exclaimed with undisguised joy, his voice breaking into her thoughts. "He did it! I never doubted it, really," he added, raising his hands in a defensive gesture as Caitlin looked at him with disbelief.

"This isn't quite what you said five minutes ago," she reminded him with a relieved grin on her lips. She tried to mimic his tone as she repeated what he had said only a while earlier, "Oh no, he's going to destroy my costume or even worse, his own head!"

"I appreciate your faith in me guys, I truly do," Barry mocked, suddenly appearing in the room.

Caitlin absently ran a hand along her hair to fix the strands that had flown out of place at Barry's arrival. She tried to pretend to be relaxed, but as usual it wasn't as easy as she wished it could be. Actually, she couldn't understand why she felt so nervous. She wasn't going to propose or anything crazy like that. It just was going to be a harmless, ordinary...

"You know you can always count on us," Cisco asserted, hurriedly getting up from his chair. "I need to go if I don't want to miss the concert. See you tomorrow."

"Bye buddy!" Barry seemed to be in a good mood, maybe because he was proud of himself. It was good to see him like that but it didn't help Caitlin feel any more confident.

She didn't know how to express her thoughts out loud. So she pretended that she had been absorbed in something vitally important on her computer. Ugh, she definitely was behaving like a child and eventually had to get a grip.

"Cait? Are you okay?"

She immediately raised her head, hearing the gentle voice of Barry. His watchful eyes were intently waiting for her reaction. She still hadn't gotten used to the fact that he sometimes spoke to her affectionately, like they were more than just friends.

Caitlin would never say it loud, but she really enjoyed it.

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm fine," she mumbled. Why was it so difficult to just say what she wanted to say? "You did a good job. Of course it was very dangerous and reckless, but I guess I'm used to that. Kind of."

Barry laughed, so Caitlin relaxed a little bit. Slowly she pulled away from the computer and moved closer to the amused companion. She noticed that Barry looked really sweet - or should she say sexy? - with a genuine smile on his lips, slightly unbuttoned suit and disheveled hair.

She needed to focus!

"I think that my mission isn't what's really on your mind. There has to be something else. What's going on?"

Caitlin bit her lip nervously, trying to not look into his eyes.

"Do you remember our conversation about me having no life?" She started hesitantly. Barry nodded in response. "I told you that I cook and I eat. So when I said that I cook, I didn't mean reheating food from cans or ordering a pizza. I really cook and I think I'm good at it, or at least not as bad as I am at singing," she promised, prompting a smile to form on Barry's lips. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm going to make lasagna tonight and I thought that maybe you would want to come over and give it a try?"

She discreetly breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that the worst was already behind her. Barry seemed pleasantly surprised by her suggestion, enough that he eventually became speechless, just like she was a moment ago.

It was what they had in common. When it came to showing affection to people they simply lost faith in themselves. Both of them had no experience, especially when it came to flirting. It just wasn't in their skill set.

"Sounds good," he admitted. "I love lasagna."

They chuckled at the same time, both aware of their own stupidity and shyness.

* * *

Barry stood in the stairwell, staring blindly at the mahogany door. He was sure that his heart would jump out of his chest and fall on to Caitlin's colorful doormat, he was so nervous. His stress level was through the roof.

After all, this was supposed to be only an ordinary meeting. Eating lasagna together – nothing that should prompt this kind of reaction. He wasn't going to propose, that's for sure. Upset by his own foolishness, he slowly raised his hand and knocked. He still had time to back out at that point. He could tell her that he felt...

The door opened and Caitlin stood in the doorway, dressed in a lovely blue dress. Her eyes were decorated with some subtle makeup and she flashed him a smile that made him weak in the knees.

...awesome.

Because of how breathtaking she looked, Barry felt like he should've become stressed even more, but that view had caused him to actually feel more confident. It had been just Caitlin. She looked amazing, he could not deny it, but it was still Catlin, and there was just something about her that made him feel at ease.

"You brought champagne," she said, glancing at his hand. Unconsciously he followed her gaze and frankly he was surprised by the sight of alcohol. He had completely forgotten about it.

"Indeed. I mean it's for you, I mean we'll drink it together. Ugh, I'm an idiot."

Caitlin took the bottle from Barry and laughing, closed the door behind him. Her laugh sounded so melodious that after a while Barry joined in. When they calmed down, the woman led him into the living room, which currently smelled like a heavenly combination of cheese and tomato sauce emanating from the kitchen.

Barry also smelled the delicate scent of perfume for women when Caitlin passed him with two glasses in her hands.

"Smells good," he commented, referring to both odors. His eyes followed the movements of Caitlin as she gracefully began to set the table. "By the way, you look beautiful."

She shot him a glance, and her lips flickered upwards in a smile, her cheeks flushing. She ran a hand through her loose hair. Barry thought absently that he would like to touch those strands, too.

"Thank you." Caitlin sent him another friendly smile, then she disappeared into the kitchen. "Make yourself comfortable. Food will be ready soon," she added loudly.

Not knowing what to do, he went to the radio and turned on some music. A quiet, slow melody filled the room. Then quickly he opened the champagne and poured it into the two glasses.

He looked around, coming to the conclusion that this place was just wonderful. It was cozy, even romantic. Music, food, champagne, candles. It was true that he didn't know anything about dating, but it seemed like an ideal setting for people in love.

Caitlin interrupted his thoughts, entering the dining room with a casserole dish filled with steaming lasagna. When she put it on the table, Barry moved a chair and waited as she sat down. She thanked him with a smile, so he took a seat.

"You never said you learned how to cook," Barry said, gathering some lasagna on his fork. Feeling his stomach growl, he took a bite, and immediately grinned. "Mmm!"

"I'll take that as a compliment," Caitlin giggled. She started to eat her portion. "You know that I am not a person who likes to brag. Besides, so far I've cooked only for myself."

"And I lived in ignorance, compulsively ordering a pizza," he babbled regretfully between mouthfuls. "If I had known, I would have come to you every day."

"That's what I wanted to avoid," she said ironically. "Now you can come over whenever without an invitation. There will always be something to eat."

"Good to know, I never refuse food."

They smiled to each other. For a moment they ate in silence, sipping champagne and enjoying a pleasant time.

After Barry had finished eating, he gazed at Caitlin uncertainly. She met his gaze and looked confused.

"What? Am I dirty?" She instinctively wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Or do you want some more lasagna?"

"Is it a date, Cait?" he asked bluntly.

The woman was surprised by the question. She slowly put down her napkin, bravely maintaining eye contact with Barry.

How should she reply? She wasn't sure what their relationship was, and then this meeting and her feelings were certainly complicating matters. She only knew that in the company of Barry she felt wonderful and wanted to spend more time with him. She could both tell him everything and be silent for a long time without feeling awkward. She could laugh and cry, get angry and enjoy everything.

Caitlin felt something she hadn't felt with Cisco. Something that the presence of Felicity or Iris could not give her. Something that had been missing in her relationship with Ronnie.

She felt genuine. With him she was herself more than at any time.

Barry waited for an answer, wondering what the meeting meant to him. He wasn't nervous before it for no reason. Subconsciously he knew that this dinner could be a great step in a new direction. He wanted to go there, wherever there was, as long as Caitlin accompanied him.

"Do you want it to be?" she whispered.

He had to take a deep breath before he could respond.

Quietly, with a smile, Barry crouched down beside her chair and took her hands in his.

"I want you, Cait. And your lasagna. I could marry it."

Caitlin laughed happily. Without hesitation, she kissed him gently.

"I see that cooking isn't your only skill, Dr. Snow," he mumbled warmly.

"I think I have a few more in store, Mr. Allen."


	4. Let her go

**Title:** _Let her go_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow

 **Summary:** _When Caitlin becomes Killer Frost, she loses her memories and Barry tries to make her remember._

 **Beta Reader:** none

 **A/N:** _Writing it was so emotional. I don't know the exact Killer Frost, so I introduced her as I imagined it. If you catch some grammar mistakes, let me know. Please forgive me that's short. And that my intention was to break your hearts :D_

* * *

 _ **Let her go**_

"Cait? Please, say something. Caitlin…"

But it wasn't Caitlin anymore. Although not the one he had used to know. A friendly, caring, warm woman with beautiful, long hair and infinite smile was gone. The person at which Barry was looking was nothing like his old friend. She was wearing a form fitting corset, hugging all her curves that were once hidden under loose fitting blouses and dress pants. She had blue lips and curly blond hair. Her eyes had changed the most. Once deep pools of light brown were now stone cold, icy blue.

Barry clenched involuntarily. Unfortunately, not only her appearance had changed. He was more worried about her personality. First, what was the most incredible, adorable Dr. Snow had become a murderous Killer Frost - a vampiric being who craved for heat. Second, she had lost all of her memories. Her ordinary, human life had completely gone into oblivion.

"I'm hungry," she conceded slowly, weighing every word. "Get me out of here!"

She put her body on the glass separating them. Barry instinctively stepped back. He knew what she meant. She needed food in the form of human life. More specifically, she wanted to kill him. If she wasn't trapped in a place where her powers were not working, she would throw at him quickly and without hesitation.

"Caitlin, I'm sure you're still there," he replied in a firm but warm voice. "Deep down, you're still the person I used to know. You're my Caitlin."

She snorted, her eyes flashed dangerously.

"Unlike you I remember everything. Every moment, every smile and hug. Every tears and quarrels," he decided to continue, ignoring her angry attitude. He had to get her back. "You know, we sang together. I meet a girl, crazy for me," he hummed. "You were so drunk and cute at the same time. And then I watched you fall asleep cause you wanted me to stay."

She stared at him blankly, but didn't say anything. She had to guess that she won't manage to escape. She had to peacefully accept her fate, at least temporarily, so she listened in silent.

"You believed in me," Barry tried to keep calm and not let the voice to break down. He watched Caitlin carefully. "You were supporting me, telling that everything will be fine. Often you were angry at me, mostly because you cared. Nobody ever took care of me like you."

With desperation he sought in her eyes, facial expression, posture something that testified to the fact that Caitlin, which he had knew, was still there. He wanted to be sure that she remembers, she loves, she fights.

He didn't find anything.

Her indifferent gaze was too painful. Consequently Barry needed to turn around and take a deep breath. It still wasn't clear to him that he lost her. Actually he had lost her a long time ago, he just couldn't accept that. He had an naive hope that he was the one who was able to save her.

"Are you done?" Caitlin snarled impatiently behind his back. "Get over the fact that the person you are talking to is definitely dead."

Barry lurched. Her words were like a whip without any restraint lashing his back. Trying to soothe, he turned to her. His eyes met hers. He imagined that instead of icy indifference he sees there warmth and love.

"Okay, I get it," he asserted, his voice was morose, however still full of hope. "I just need you to know something I have never told you. You need to know that I love you and I can't lose you, Cait. Not you."

And then, when the words had been already told, something changed. Caitlin's eyes… Barry couldn't exactly define it, but they had became… different. They slightly widened as the light in them faded a little, and a beautiful azure broke through it.

"I'll bring you back, no matter what. I'll always fight. For you. For us."

Her hand, having a power to kill a man only by touch, rested on the glass. Barry put his hand on his side of the cold glass, exactly in the same place. He held his breath. Although he couldn't feel her presence, he imagined her old, gentle touch. Just as she had used to touch him, when she had caught him by the hand or when she often had put a hand on his shoulder.

He waited. But was it possible to get something more?

From her mouth let out a quiet sigh.

"Barry," she whispered.

His heart was filled with warmth, when suddenly the glass began to freeze. He took back his hand quickly, seeing that cracks appeared. The glass was frozen, Barry momentarily lost visual contact with Caitlin. Then the glass broke.

He felt a gust of cold air. He lost his breath and stormed flew backward, hitting his back against the wall. The chill slipped through his sweater. If he had a costume, he would feel warmer. He shivered from the cold. He felt pain wandering over his body, he needed to fiercely fight for every breath.

With his misty eyes he saw scattered glass and the frozen wall. Suddenly Caitlin appeared. Her hands were surrounded by a cold aura when she knelt beside him. He knew that she was able to kill him and that he won't give advice to defend. He was, however, extremely quiet. Chill mastered his whole body. He felt as if he was drowning in the icy water.

Barry subconsciously knew that Caitlin wouldn't hurt him.

She put her hand next to his as if she wanted to touch him, and then she refrained herself. Barry tried to focus on her face, her eyes, which was difficult. He wanted to sleep, he was slowly drifting away.

On Caitlin's cheek ran down a lonely tear.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I have never wanted to hurt you. That's why I need to go. Don't try to save me, Barry. Let me go."

"No, Caitlin… stay."

But she was gone. She disappeared into the icy darkness. As if she never existed. As if she was only a vague memory, the cold cooling his body, stinging pain in the heart. Before he fall asleep, he suddenly but fully determined had thought that he would never let her go.


	5. His anchor

**Title:** _His anchor_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Cisco Ramon, Joe West

 **Summary:** _Barry has a panic attack and Caitlin needs to help him._

 **Beta reader:** haleover

 **A/N:** _This one is inspired by a stydia kiss scene. Btw I want to thank you for reading my works and leaving traces; every comment, fav and alert makes me smile. Thank you!_

* * *

 _ **His anchor**_

"I can't beat him!" Barry sighed. Scanning his surroundings, taking every single detail of the room, looking for answer everywhere but his friends faces, he didn't have the courage to look them in the eyes. "He's too strong."

"Are you crazy man?" Cisco asked incredulously. "You're the Flash. You've saved so many people. If it wasn't you, there would not longer be any city to save."

Caitlin anxiously watched Barry circulating around the room. His eyes looked unset, closing and opening his fist constantly; a tick she knew too well, he was getting frustrated. Something was wrong and for some reason he didn't want to tell them.

"Cisco is right," she conceded. Trying to calm his nerves, she slowly touched his shoulder, bringing him out of his dark thoughts. "We believe in you."

His hands went to the back of his head, scratching his neck while he swayed from side to side in the search for answers. Cisco looked uncertainty at Caitlin, his eyes were full of fear for his friend well being.

"You don't understand!" Barry shouted his voice full despair. "People are dying because of me! Eddie and Ronnie died! And I couldn't do anything." With each word he shouted his hearted beat rapidly and his hands where starting to feel numb.

"What if now I'll lose someone else? What if it's one of you?" Each word brought a chill to his spine, he didn't want to start shaking, but the room was suddenly freezing. "I'm useless!" And Barry broke; he couldn't stop shaking and his breading was getting more difficult by the minute. "I… I can't breathe."

"I'm afraid that he has a panic attack," Cisco faded. He peeped on Caitlin. "What should we do?"

"Call Joe! I'll try to calm him down!" She replied. "Let me talk to him. Alone."

Cisco took out his mobile phone and walked out into the hallway. When the door closed behind him, Caitlin took a deep breath and took quick steps towards Barry. The boy fell to the floor, with his hands in his chest, trying to gain control of his breathing. His body was vibrating and he couldn't stop it.

Caitlin sat in front of him, trying to keep a confident attitude. In fact, she wanted to shout, to cry and beg for it anything that would help to make Barry fell better again. If he couldn't overcome his weaknesses, who was going to save Central City? What will happen to him? She wanted to regain a hero, but at the same time she needed her best friend back. Watching Barry in that state was painful for her.

"Barry, look at me," she whispered softly.

He began to slowly rice his face. And what she saw broke her heart. His eyes were full of pain and despair, his pain was so deep that gripped her throat, making tears come to her eyes. "You're okay. Breathe. Just breathe."

"I can't, Caitlin, I can't," he was mumbling like a mantra. "I can't, I can't, I-"

"Shhh," Caitlin interrupted him. Gently she took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. "Barry, you're okay. Everything will be okay. I'm here, I'm with you."

In response, he glanced at her wildly. A shiver went through her body; while Barry began breathing slowly start to become normal. Caitlin was terrified, she knew the basic of controlling a panic attack but she never had seen one, and the fact that the person having it was Barry didn't help much. So she did the only thing that she could think of, she began stroking his cheek.

She doesn't know why she did it but her heart was telling her to do it; she kissed him.

Barry gasped when their lips met. Caitlin was starting to pull away when she felt his body relax and she felt a wave of relief flooded her. She doesn't know when she closed her eyes but she did, letting herself drift away.

In that moment nothing really mattered, there was no Zoom, no Central City to save, nothing at all; just them. What started as a tender and sweet kiss, became heated by the minute, all their feelings pouring to a kiss that was long over do; in that moment their weren't just best friend, they were two people with a strong connection that finally reached to a point where they could no longer deny it.

From the minute she entered his life she became his anchor and with every touch and stolen glance he immediately calmed down. Barry knew that everything was wrong, Zoom was out there threatening the life of his friends; but in the moment their lips touched, nothing else mattered; he didn't want to think of anything else but the beautiful woman in front of him, allowing himself to fully indulge into the kiss. Bravely he pulled her closer to him and deepened the kiss. It was sweet and passionate at the same time. In his mind there was only one thought; Caitlin had the sweetest taste he had ever tasted.

When the need of air was too much they slowly pulled away. Looking each other in the eyes, trying to figure out what was the other one feeling after such kiss.

But they didn't have much time to ponder about the other reaction, because before either of them could speak a word, Cisco entered the room. And behind him was Joe.

"Barry, are you okay?" Joe asked. Voice full of concern for his stepson.

Barry was speechless but for reason entirely different than before, "He looks surprisingly well." Cisco said while frowning. "How did you do it, Caitlin?" He knew the doctor was responsible for his friend fast and surprisingly recovery but somehow he knew that something wasn't completely right.

The girl shrugged, feeling like her cheeks blush. She didn't have any idea what to tell them, so she looked at Barry and she earned a small smile from The Flash.

"She just knows the right things to say and do," he answered him, blinking towards Caitlin while doing it.

Willingly or unwillingly, on her lips appeared a smile.

* * *

Later that day he found her in the lab. She was wearing glasses and was measuring her latest serum when she felt his presence. She smiled uncertainly, putting away her work and taking off her glasses. It allowed a few strands of hair to fall over her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to disturb you," he clarified, unable to stop himself before gathering the lost strands of hair behind her ear. Caitlin thought that his touch was enjoyable and subtle. "I just wanted to see you."

She looked at him straight in the eyes, feeling his presence next to her. Separated only by a few steps, their breaths mingled with each other. Barry was still holding his fingers on Caitlin's face, and when he realized it, he rapidly withdraw his hand.

"Oh!" Caitlin sighed. Her voice was a little tremulous. "I see that you feel better. It's good."

"Yeah," he admitted, nodding. "That's your merit. I didn't believe in myself and you bring my faith back. You're my anchor and I'm really grateful for having you by my side."

He gave her an alluring smile. Caitlin thought fleetingly, if accidentally Barry flirted with her. She had to force herself to speak, what wasn't easy because she felt her legs tremble.

"It was really clever, thought," Barry continued, apparently not noticing Caitlin's reaction. "I mean the kiss. It worked."

Caitlin gasped. She never thought they would actually talk about the incident. "I…," she hesitated. "I probably read it, you know, in an article of something. I think it was a scientist from England who wrote that a kiss could help in a panic attack like yours. You know, a kiss makes you concentrate in the person kissing you and not in your problems, besides you need to control your breathing, so…"

"I had a panic attack?" he asked surprised.

"Yes, you did." Caitlin was so concentrated on not letting her emotions show that she didn't realize that Barry was closer to her than before.

"Dr. Snow, I thought it was already stated that you were a terrible liar; what I really want to know is what really made you kiss me?"

Caitlin frowned. She felt her heart starting to beat rapidly; she was lost at words not knowing what to answer, when his soft lips brushed against her. This kiss was much slower and tender than their first. Both of them pouring their love for each other in to the kiss. Barry knew that as long as she was by his side, everything would be fine. While Barry was thinking how lucky he was to have her by his side, Caitlin once again let herself drift away. But this time, she wasn't going to come back so quickly, this time she planned to enjoy their kiss.


	6. All I want for Christmas is you

**Title:** _All I want for Christmas is you_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Patty Spivot

 **Summary:** _Caitlin finally confesses her feelings for Barry and then leaves Central City, so Barry spends Christmas getting to know his own feelings and waiting for dr. Snow._

 **Beta reader:** mellowlimerence

 **A/N:** _Merry Christmas everyone!_

* * *

 _ **All I want for Christmas is you**_

Three weeks passed since she had left. Three long, gloomy weeks overflowing with colorful lights, masses of gifts, lots of friends' smiles, and Barry's sorrow, who despite having the greatest desires hadn't been feeling the festive atmosphere. He had tried his best to help Iris and Joe in Christmas preparations. He had been decorating Christmas tree, doing shopping, preparing meals for Christmas Eve, deliberately doing everything just to create distractions from thinking about her.

He cursed himself for his childish behavior, but since Caitlin had left, he began to avoid Patty. Their contact was limited only to mention a few words at work or on the phone. Their relationship had broken up a long time ago, and last conversation with Caitlin completely sealed their parting. He couldn't explain it either to himself or anyone else. His thoughts and feelings were so confused and the only thing Barry was dreaming about was to spend the holidays with Caitlin.

* * *

 _Three weeks ago..._

Firstly, he saw a big smile on Patty's lips. Secondly, two cups of coffee in her hands. There weren't many people in Jitters, so they had a chance to freely talk. The detective gave Barry his drink as she sat opposite to him.

"Latte sprinkled by chocolate and cinnamon," she said. "I was wondering about caramel syrup, but thought it would be overkill."

"You're sweet enough," he responded but quickly regretted his words. He met Patty in order to discuss their relationship, seeing how it was going too fast, meanwhile, he flirted with her. Barry didn't want it to look like that.

"You know how to compliment a girl. It's what I like about you." Patty snorted. "I mean, not just that. I like a lot of things in you. Hmm, maybe it's better to shut up and say hello to you normally."

He held his breath and for a moment forgot about any doubts, when she kissed him. In the same time he heard the sound of the opening door and did not even know what possessed him, but he opened his eyes. Barry faded, seeing abashed Caitlin.

The man teminated the kiss promptly. Patty was saying something to him but he focused only on dr. Snow swiveling and then leaving Jitters. He apace mumbled an apology for Patty and ran to his friend.

"Cait!"

Through the falling snow he barely saw her figure, wrapped in a warm jacket. On her brown hair marked white snowflakes. On the face could be seen slightly flushed cheeks from the cold. Probably she came to Jitters to warm up a little, but then changed her mind.

As Barry was glancing at her long and deep, Caitlin gasped. She was still confused because of what she saw. Of course she knew about the relationship between Barry and Patty, but she had never seen them together. The situation was all the more difficult to accept since Caitlin had admitted to herself about what was really in her heart.

"I behaved stupidly, I'm sorry," she began in a friendly tone, under which had been hidden the pain felt by her. "You look very cute together and I wish you all the best."

She started to back away, but Barry put his hand on her shoulder.

"Caitlin, please. What's wrong?"

"I'm leaving today, Barry," she answered seriously. "I'm going to my family for Christmas and I don't know when I'll come back."

He stiffened.

* * *

 _Now_

Barry was lying on the sofa and watching tv, especially ads that stretched into infinity. He was just listening about unusual abilities of shampoo, which after a single use could improve the condition of hair, when the doorbell rang. His first thought was Cisco. Without hesitation he opened the door and froze when, instead of his funny male friend, he was surprised to see the person he's been longing for for so long.

When he looked into her eyes, something in his heart revived again, and the last weeks full of uncertainties and internal conflicts were forgotten. Only this one moment mattered.

"Hi, Barry," she mumbled. Her voice sounded cautious and full of awkwardness. "I came back two hours ago and I thought that I could visit you. If I bother you..."

"No!" he interrupted her too much violently, opening the doors. "No, it's okay. It's good to see you, Caitlin."

She smiled shyly and walked beside him. Barry felt a brush of her cloak on his shirt and swallowed hard. Suddenly he felt warmer. Slowly he closed the door and helped Caitlin take off her coat.

She briefly looked at the television, then at the stairs, as if expecting someone coming down soon. Barry noted that she specifically avoided his gaze and he suddenly wanted to catch her in his arms and ensure that everything had changed, that he was ready.

"So... How's your family?" He started to speak unsteadily. "Did you enjoyed your Christmas time?"

"I think it would be better to ignore these awkward politeness. You know perfectly the reason why I left. Ironically, for the same reason I returned. I want to work with you and I think I can handle it. Full professionalism," she was talking with clear, firm voice, choking her torn emotions. With courage she glanced at him. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I know about your feelings. Now please let me tell you about mine."

* * *

 _Three weeks ago..._

"I thought you were gonna spend Christmas in Central City," he replied honestly surprised. "You could come to us for dinner, Joe and Iris would certainly be pleased."

Caitlin pulled away from him slightly, struggling for breath. She had a growing problem with her feelings and mostly she wanted to just yell the truth in the Barry's face and then disappear from his life for a long time. Perhaps forever.

She knew that Patty was still waiting inside, and Barry was going to return to her soon. He was so unconscious as he watched her with eyes full of misunderstanding. How would she explain it all? She barely stifled tears.

"I just...," she whispered faintly. "I just need time, okay? I need time to think about my feelings. I guess the best option is to move on. I can't do it here."

"Cait!" Barry was impatient. Caitlin's mystery and inability to help her began to annoy him. "Which feelings? What are talking about?"

"You!" she snapped. Barry raised his eyebrows, and a few people passing next to them looked at them. Caitlin felt like the falling snow and the prevailing atmosphere made her feel colder. She trembled. "I have feelings for you, Barry, and I know it's not going to end well. You are with Patty and despite it, there will always be Iris in your heart. With two of them, there's no place for me. That's why I need to leave." Her heartrending voice made Barry not able to speak. "I'm sorry, I should keep it to myself. Just go to Patty and be happy. Bye, Barry."

He was completely speechless. Slowly he stretched out his hand, but Caitlin just smiled and walked away. Quickly he lost her figure among the crowd of people and falling snowflakes. After a moment in a daze, he felt the presence of Patty holding a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"Someone very important."

Barry couldn't say more. He was only thinking about the tears in Caitlin's eyes as she left him and his foolishness, because he let her go.

* * *

 _Now_

"You surprised me with your confession, to be honest. It never occurred to me that between us could be something romantic..."

"Please, don't," she said abruptly.

"Let me finish, Caitlin." He grabbed her hands. "Back then, when you saw me with Patty, I actually wanted to talk to her about our relationship. I was not sure if this was exactly what I want. Me and Patty splited up. I thought that after our break up I would be fine. I wasn't. These three weeks without you were filled with emptiness. All i could do was think about you. I missed your excessive care, sweet smile, helpfull hugs. I'm sorry that it took me so long to realisethat I have those feelings for you too, Cait."

This time she couldn't utter a word. She looked at him straight in the eyes, blinking occasionally. This was not what she expected. She had rather hoped that they could return to their normal friendship, but the words of Barry was beyond her wildest imagination.

She peeked at their joined hands. Then Caitlin smiled a little and Barry felt as his heart had been brought back to life.

"Are you sure?" she asked doubtfully. "What if it destroys our bond, our friendship? Besides, though there will always be Iris. She will be your wife, remember? And what if..."

"Shh..." He caught her in his arms and pulled her toward him. Their foreheads touched and eyes closed. They were breathing in the same rhythm. "Just tell me one thing. Do you accomplished what you left to do? Did you move on?"

From her mouth let out a quiet "no". His hand gently stroked her cheek.

"Everything will be fine as long as we feel happy with each other. We have all the time in the world to get to know our feelings and I think that we should try. Believe in us, Cait."

Barry heard low "i do, i will always believe in you, Barry Allen" between Caitlin's light breath and feel of the warm lips on his. Happy holidays this year came a little later, but it was worth the wait.


	7. Snow is falling

**Title:** _Snow is falling_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Cisco Ramon

 **Summary:** _Caitlin doesn't like snow, so Barry and Cisco are going to change that._

 **Beta reader:** eyesxsewnxopenx

 **A/N:** _It's too short, but I hope you'll like it anyway :)_

* * *

 _ **Snow is falling**_

"Where the hell are Barry and Cisco?"

Caitlin asks herself, peering into every room and finding only emptiness plunged into darkness. They're not in Star Labs. They probably left some time ago and apparently didn't bother to tell her about it, she pouts. When she dresses warm coat, soft scarf, leather gloves, imposes a shoulder bag and raises her head, intending to not honor friends even by one phone call and leaving the building.

Blam! Something hits the outer side of the door. The woman flinches. She turns her face to see the wet track after a snowball that almost hit her head. Then Caitlin hears the song, or rather false performed by a familiar voice. She glimpses and sees Cisco singing "Do you want to build a snowman?" and Barry laughing and making a big ball of snow.

"Hey, Caitlin," Cisco says after a while. Beaming smile adorns his lips. "Join us!"

"What are you doing?" She sneers. "I looked for you everywhere." She peeks on Barry and comes to conclusion that the man looks like he wants to bolt.

"Come on, Caitlin, have some fun!"

"I would rather come back to Star Labs. There are medical examinations to do, Barry. Lot's of them. We need to check your speed, did you make any progress? OH and a level of sugar in blood, resistance-"

A snowball interrupts her, hitting her in a shoulder and she lurches, anger fills her lungs and prepares for the verbal attack.

"You're a total workaholic, Dr. Snow," Cisco giggles, creating another snowball in his hand. "We told you that we were going to build a snowman, but you didn't listen. You actually seemed like you didn't even see us. Rude."

He throws the snowball at her, this time hitting her leg. Caitlin finally remembered that Barry and Cisco actually came to visit her for a once, they dragged their way through this terrible storm to spend time with her. Her face softens, her anger suddenly diminishes and is replaced by remorse.

"You're too uptight, Caitlin," says Barry.

"Don't call me uptight! I just...," she gibbers flustered. "I just don't really like snow."

Barry and Cisco look at her in amazement, then burst out laughing sincerely. Caitlin hates when someone laughs at her but she knows how ironic were her words and how comical is this scene. She can't help but titter loud and happily.

"This is ridiculous." Caitlin flushes from the cold. Only now she recognizes that Barry has placed his third ball and snowman has a corresponding shape, but still looks poorly. "A few extras would be useful, maybe some carrots and buttons. Don't you think?"

"Accurate observation." Barry smiles mysteriously. "But before that I want to show you something. This may change your attitude to the snow."

Before she resists, Barry instantly lifts her off the ground and gently holding her body in his hands, he begins quickly gyrate around his own axis. Surprised Caitlin surrounds her hands around his neck, instinctively closing her eyes and screeching. She feels a strong gust of wind encircling her body. And then there is light moisture falling on her clothes, face and hair. She feels the heartbeat of Barry and his breath on her cheek when he says something to her.

His voice is soft and friendly, so Caitlin forces herself to open her eyes. What she sees takes a breath away from her chest, and the words are trapped in the throat. She and Barry are in a snow tornado. The crisp barrier surrounds them with moist snow. Snowflakes swirl around their bodies, everything else is invisible. There are only them, Barry and Caitlin, and snow. They stop rotating and the snow gently falls on their bodies. Although it's cold, it's touch is subtle and nice. Caitlin reaches out her hand and observes with delight as snowflakes melt onto her glove.

Barry looks at smiling lips and laughing eyes. Her brown hair gleam white with snowflakes, sweet blush settles on her cheeks. Snow barrier is about to fall, and then they will be again visible for Cisco and everything else. This brief, magical moment is about to end, the light in Caitlin's eyes too. He looks up to see the sky slowly revealing itself. He stares at Caitlin one more time and she gladly returns the gaze. She gives him a grateful smile and hesitate for a moment before she softly presses her lips to his.

When the mi blizzard clears, Cisco sees Barry and Caitlin staring, just staring at each other. He coughs and the glance breaks, Barry steps back toward the snowman with his hands clasped behind his back, a smile wandering around the face and eyes looking at the crackling underfoot snow. Meanwhile, Caitlin looks at the snowman, then under the spur of the moment, she takes off her scarf and ties on her snow friend.

Half an hour later snowman has a cap in the form of a pot, long carrot nose, mouth made of buttons, Caitlin's scarf and a makeshift The Flash outfit courtesy of Cisco. Three friends look at their work, everybody cold, wet and tired. Then they go together to Jitters. Cisco ordered three hot chocolate to go, occasionally flirting with the saleswoman, and Caitlin and Barry are waiting outside.

"What you did today... it was impressive," Caitlin says. She hardly feels her freezing face.

"It's nothing." Barry waves his hand, but his face treacherous broke into a grin. "Okay, it makes a great impression, but every guy picks up a woman in this way. Standard."

She chuckles. Although she's cold and simply can't wait for something warm to drink, and ideally would like for someone to threw her straight into a preheated bed, the day was wonderful and she wouldn't want to spend it in any other way.

"Seriously, Barry, I'm so thankful. I had a lot of fun."

"It doesn't have to end." He grabs her face with his hands and slowly kisses her. She feels a warm current passing through her body, Barry's soft lips make all the things don't matter. Only him. And possibly snow falling on their bodies. "Do you finally like snow, Dr. Snow?"

"Actually, I do."

She plans to, after drinking hot chocolate and changing clothes, throw as many snowballs as she make at Cisco, perhaps with small help from Barry and his speed, and then ask Barry about re-creating the snow tornado.

But first, she wants to warm up. So she, with pleasure, kisses him back.


	8. Come back to me

**Title:** _Come back to me_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Cisco Ramon, Joe West

 **Summary:** _Barry moves back in time in order to save Caitlin's life_

 **Beta reader:** haelover

 **A/N:** _Thank you for all favs, alerts and reviews, you're so kind! I'm taking requests :)_

* * *

 ** _Come back to me_**

The hall had been filled with many beautiful-looking people. The women were dressed in elegant dresses, some knee-length, others up to the ankles. The men were all in suits and because of that, it was hard to distinguish them from each other. Barry showed up at the party with Caitlin. He was very impressed by her appearance. She looked gorgeous in a long red dress, with straight hair loosed on her shoulders and a necklace adorning her neck.

"Will you dance with me, Cait?" he asked, pulling his hand in her direction.

She smiled at him.

"With a pleasure." The fingers of their hands intertwined with each other. Caitlin put her other hand on Barry's shoulder, and he gently embraced her waist. Their started to move in the rhythm of the music. She glanced at him, adding: "To be honest; I'm not good at dancing. Parties aren't really my thing."

Barry chuckled pulling Caitlin closer while leaning toward her face, in order for her to hear him better, besides, he wanted to feel her sweet scent and warmth; it was an addiction he didn't want to fix. Her lips were a sinful shade of red which had him constantly glancing to her luscious and kissable lips more often than not. But Barry wasn't the only one affected by their proximity, Caitlin gasped, like she often use to do when their were close and relatively alone, when he came closer to her.

"I would like to think that I know my girlfriend well enough to know what her thing isn't," he whispered, his lips caressing her earlobe, sending a familiar warmth through her body. She looked at him in the eyes, looking for the confirmation she needed to hear. It was the first time he called her his girlfriend. Although they weren't exactly hiding their feelings anymore, they have been showing more care for each other than before and they were spending more time together, they didn't actually talk about the title of their "relationship" until now. She bit her lips nervously, what was an action Barry knew too well; she was nervous and now so was he. "Did I say something wrong?" Barry asked concerned.

"You called me your girlfriend. That's new," she responded. "Don't get me wrong, I love what we have, but I'm starting to feel guilty for not telling anyone about us."

Both of them didn't even notice when they stopped dancing. They just stood on the floor, surrounded by lots of dancing couples, embracing and gazing into each other's eyes.

"You're right, our friends and families deserve to know, but Caitlin…," he paused for a moment. Before he could finish, he took a deep breath. "My relationships usually end badly, being with the Flash is associated with a great risk. You will be exposed to greater danger than ever. Are you sure that's really what you want?"

He was genuinely worried. Caitlin could see it in his eyes, he was truly scared of what may happen to her. She knew he would do anything for her; that if she was injured, Barry would never forgive himself. Caitlin felt her heart beating faster than normal, a slight grin slowly appearing on her lips. Of course she was afraid - who isn't afraid to dive head first towards danger? - but her main concern wasn't her well-being, it was Barry's. She knew she could cope with lost, she had already lost Ronnie, but she really didn't want to lose the man she loved again. Being together was in more way than one a risk for both of them, but it was the kind of risk she was willing to take. She wanted to be truly happy, and she knew that the only way to be fully happy could only been reach with Barry by her side.

"I want you, I want us," she said without a hesitation, stroking his cheek. While she got lost in those beautiful green eyes she loved so much, she made her way to his lips, kissed him slow and passionate, pouring all her love and adoration for him in that one kiss. "I love you."

He looked at her, speechless. Regretting he wasn't the first who said those words, he didn't knew how much he had needed to hear them until that moment. He didn't remember the last time he was truly happy. He opened his mouth, trying to put into words all the feeling flouting in his hearth but words couldn't describe the joy and adoration he felt towards the woman standing in front of him.

First came the explosion, a sound so loud that deafened Barry, then there was a fire. People were running and screaming, pushing each other trying to go to safety, in the chaos of the commotion he lost track of the floor and fell to the ground, losing Caitlin's hand in the proses.

Barry couldn't hear or see anything, smoke filled the entire room, his back and head hurt, he was disoriented and he didn't like it one bit. Flames surrounded everywhere he looked. After a few moments he tried to get on his feet, but the beeping sound on his ears and the smell of smoke on his nose cause him to feel dizzy, which ultimately lead him to fall to the ground yet again.

He saw a man he didn't knew helping his Cisco to get back on his feet. He felt relived to see Cisco fine enough to call 911. When Cisco glanced at him, Barry realized that he had no idea where Caitlin was. Panic crept under his skin, he immediately began searching for her, but there were too many injured people and the smoke didn't help his visibility at all, desperately he started shouting Caitlin's name, in an attempt to speed up the process.

Out of nowhere somebody grabed his arm, relief filled him only to have it shatter the moment he turned around. "Are you okay?" Joe asked. "We have to move these people out. There may be another bomb laying out here." Don't get him wrong, he was relieve to see that Joe was fine, but panic was begging to get the best of him.

"Joe, I need to find Caitlin first," Barry replied, starting to move past some of the injured people. "She was by my side, I don't understand how I could lose-"

What he saw took his breath away. Cisco was kneeling bedside Caitlin. Joe and Barry run to where they were. What he saw tore his heart; Caitlin's arms and legs were full of bruises and ashes, her dress was burn and torn in several places, and in her chest a scarlet stain of blood begun to form. Her hair was matted with blood and she was so pale. Cisco couldn't control his sobbing and Barry noticed Joe's pained expression.

For a moment he didn't know what to do, he couldn't believe that Caitlin, his Caitlin was dea… no, he had to get her to a hospital. "I have to take her to the hospital," he stated. "She needs help."

He rapidly yet gently take her into his arms but before he could take her away, Joe stopped him. "Barry…," he said sadly. "She's… gone."

"No, she's not!" Barry snarled.

She wasn't dead, she couldn't be, the pain was too much to bear, with Caitlin still in his arms he fall to the ground. "Wake up, Caitlin. You can't leave me!" His voice broke, tears filled his eyes while he brushed a strand of hair from her face. "Come back to me, please. Come back."

"Barry." Cisco put a trembling hand on his shoulder. His voice was quiet and full of pain. "Barry, she's gone, there's nothing you can do to save her, but this room is filled with people and they need you."

"I didn't have a chance to tell her that I love her too," he whispered. "Cait? Can you hear me? I love you, I love you so much, please come back, you can't just leave me. Please, Cait. Stay with me. I can't lose you too…"

Pain was tearing his heart into small pieces. Barry ran his hand over Caitlin's cheek. Her skin was cold, her eyes closed and her lips were slightly parted. She looked like she was sleeping. And in that moment the tears he was trying so hard to contain broke free.

He felt numb and broken, he wished he was dead instead of her.

He couldn't believe she was gone, he wished he could go back in time and save her life - Barry may be the fastest man a live, but sometimes he was just too slow- and suddenly it dawned on him in.

He could save her. Gently he laid Caitlin on the floor and gave her a kiss on the forehead, and then he got up and ran out of the building.

He ran faster than ever, paying no attention to no one and nothing, the only thought on his mind was his girlfriend; wounded. Burned. Dead.

He ran for miles not caring if he broke the sound barrier in the process, but suddenly came to a stop, when he realized that he had crossed the line of time and found himself in the past.

Firstly, he went to STAR Labs. Upon entering, he heard Cisco's voice.

"Come on, Caitlin, just admit that you and Barry are together," the boy said zealously. "I have a bet with Joe and I would love to win it. "

Barry leaned against the wall. His heart was beating abnormally fast, and the tears on his cheeks had already dried. He made it. He went back in time. Caitlin was alive.

"We are friends… that's all," she responded. Barry didn't see her face but he could easily imagine it. She was a terrible liar and that though almost made him laugh. His Caitlin was really alive. "I don't have time for your stupid bets, Cisco. Today is the party and I-"

"And you're not going anywhere," Barry said, appearing out of nowhere and surprising both Caitlin and Cisco. But his sudden appearance wasn't the thing that surprised them the most, what really surprised them was the fact that he walked straight to were Caitlin was sitting in order to lift her up and give her one long and passionate kiss.

Cisco whistled and Caitlin gasped, stunned by the sudden action.

"YES! I so won that beat; now Joe owes me fifty bucks," Cisco said happily. "You shouldn't have lied to your friend, Miss Allen!"

Barry broke the kiss and hugged Caitlin as tight as he could without crushing her too much. In that moment he swore to never let her go. She smiled, surprised and yet a little embarrassed with his previous actions. Cisco's presence and Barry's over affectionate behavior were just too much for her.

"Are you okay, Barry?" she asked, pulling him away to look him in the eyes. "What's gotten into you?"

"Cisco, call Joe and tell him that in the hotel where the party is going to be held somebody planted a bomb. Tell him to make sure to secure the area, maybe he hasn't put it yet, in that case we could still get the bomber."

The boy dutifully accepted the command of his friend. When Cisco left the room, Caitlin looked at Barry, uncomprehending.

"How do you know that?"

The behavior of her boyfriend began to worry her. Barry glanced at Caitlin and her face softened. His eyes were full of love that she couldn't be angry with him. She just wanted to know what was really happening.

"I was there when the bomb exploded," Barry explained. He felt exhausted because of the weight of past events. "I went back in time."

Caitlin pulled away from him, watching him intently. Barry knew that she didn't like what she heard. "You did what?" She snapped. "Barry, you can't just change the past whenever you want! You of all people should know how dangerous it is. How much damage you can cause." He had expected her to be mad at him but he didn't care as long as she was safe.

"I'm aware of that." His voice was calm and merely a whisper when Caitlin raised her voice. He didn't want to argue with her. He just got her back. "I know the consequences of time traveling, but I had to do it You… You died!"

Caitlin gasped. She knew that something really bad had to happen if he felt that he didn't have other choice but to change the past, but she didn't imagine that the reason behind his time traveling was her own death. "It all happened so suddenly that I wasn't fast enough to save you. I couldn't tell you "I loved you too". I know that my behavior was selfish, but I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you. You can be mad at me, but if I had to choose again between you and breaking the flux of time, I would always choose you. Whatever will happen next, I won't regret what I did. You're not only my girlfriend. You're my everything. I love you, Cait."

She stared at him, tears filling her eyes. She grabbed his hand intertwining their fingers.

"I was supposed to say it first," she said, a small frown appearing on her face.

"Actually, you kind of did. You beat me then and now I beat you, we're even."

Cisco entered the room and was disappointed that he was the one to break their moment. "I found the bomber."

Before Barry could ask Cisco for the address, Caitlin turned him over and took his face in her hands. "Be careful."

And then she kissed him.

"Oh, guys…," Cisco sighed.

"Don't worry, Caitlin." Barry smiled at her. "I will always come back to you."


	9. Don't push me away

**Title:** _Don't push me away_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Cisco Ramon

 **Summary:** _While fighting a meta-human Caitlin gets injured and spends the next three days unconscious. When she finally wakes up, Barry is convinced to push Caitlin away in order to protect her. Will he be available to push her away or will Caitlin be available to convice him they both need each other?_ by haelover

 **Beta reader:** haelover

 **A/N:** _This one is the longest, so I hope you'll forgive me that you had to wait 2 months for a new story. I am positively surprised by the number of reviews, favs and follows, some of you even added me to your favorite authors, and I just want to say that I'm so grateful, it means a lot!_

* * *

 _ **Don't push me away**_

Caitlin and Cisco were attacked.

Again.

Running faster than normal Barry went to STAR Labs, he was furious with himself for not being available to protect his friends, but above all he was frightened. What if he wasn't fast enough? What if he was late? Pushing those dark thought away he made his way thru STAR Labs until he found the room where the new meta-human held Cisco and Caitlin. When he entered the room all breath left his lungs. The man was holding Caitlin by her throat and suprised by the Flash sudden arrival, he threw the scientist against the wall. Barry was about to go for his fallen friend but Cisco. despite his wounds, got up from the floor and managed to reach the unconscious doctor. Once he was sure that Cisco got Caitlin, Barry with all of his strength hit the meta in the stomach, which cause the attacker to lose his balance and fall to the floor, Cisco waited no time and threw Barry a special weapon which he used to immobilize the enemy.

Barry was furious; how could he save thousands of people, but he never seemed to be available to be there when his friends needed him the most? Why where Cisco and Caitlin the ones to pay the higher price? Especially Caitlin, his enemy's seem to love the young doctor just as much as him because she was their favorite target.

Barry tried to calm his rapidly beating heart, his friend needed him, and it wasn't the right time to self-pity. Kneeling next to Cisco he was finally available to see the damage in the young engineer, "Are you okay, Cisco?" But before his friend could answer, the look in his face frightened him, he was pale and for a minute he thought Cisco was losing blood but after a quick glance at his injuries he realized Cisco was fine; he had a minor cut in his upper lip and by the way he was holding his left hand he probably had a broken wrist.

But soon Barry realized that the look on Cisco's face was because of the unmoving form of Caitlin in front of him. For a millisecond he just stood there kneeling next to both of his friends frightened. Caitlin was just lying there, he thought she was death and his heart stop because of the idea of losing her, but as if sensing his fighting, her chest rosed; she was alive, unconscious and bruise, but alive. As fast and as gentle as he could Barry started to check her wounds, she had a few cuts and bruises in her arms and legs; and a bigger bruise with the form of the meta's palms was starting to form on her neck. He thought she was fine until he felt blood on his fingertips as he realized that Caitlin's once white shirt was now cover in bright red.

Anger was ripping him from the inside, but he had to be strong. "I need to get Caitlin to the hospital," he said, trying to sound calm. He didn't want to scare Cisco. And to be honest he was scare, he couldn't bear the thought of losing Caitlin, but he couldn't think like that. They needed him, she needed him. And deep down he knew she would never leave them. That she would never leave him.

And maybe that was the problem.

He gently picked up Caitlin's body and brushed the bloody hair from her face. Fear began to creep into his heart. "I'll be back in a second and help you put this meta in the cell. Then I'll get you to the hospital too. You can ha-," his voice broke. Barry had to take a deep breath. Both he and Cisco exchanged worried glances.

And then Barry ran as fast as he could. When he arrived at the hospital, everyone from the medical staff to the patients was surprised by the Flash.

"This woman needs help," he practically yelled his lungs out, in order to get them out of their stupor. After their initial shock, the medical team worked quickly, yelling orders to one and other, which eventually leaded to some nurse trying to take Caitlin from his arms. He knew they had to take her away but he couldn't let go of her.

"Flash, it's okay, we'll take good care of her."

Reluctantly he let them take her away.

He was in a daze, everything seemed so surreal for him. For a minute he thought he was having a nightmare, he watched the stretcher taking Caitlin to the operating room. Someone was trying to say something to him, but he was too lost in his thoughts to respond, until the nurse turned him around, "Do you know her? Is there someone we should call?"

Before the nurse could continue with her interrogation, he replied, "I'll bring her someone." And as fast as he arrived, he turned around and left, thinking only about the fact that it was his fault.

That yet again he wasn't on time and that Caitlin almost died because of him.

* * *

Caitlin had been unconscious for three days; the longest three days of Barry's life. The doctors said Caitlin's body was trying to recuperate and while it was not usual, they assured him that he shouldn't worry about it, that eventually she was going to wake up. While she was in the hospital, everyone visited her. Harry and Jessie came regularly during the day, both concerned about the state of their new friend. Iris brought flowers and although she was worried about Caitlin, her main goal was to comfort Barry. She knew him well enough to know that he blamed himself for what happened. Joe also tried to talk with him about it but Barry refused. Barry and Cisco were by Caitlin's side all the time. They didn't want her to wake up to unfamiliar faces.

In the second day, Iris finally took Barry home to let him eat and get some sleep, but being the lovable and stubborn dummy he was, as soon as Iris and Joe went to sleep, he was back at Caitlin's side, watching her sleep through the glass separating her room from the hospital corridor. He watched as her chest rised evenly. He was happy that she was alive, though regret and sorrow filled his heart.

After four days, it was Cisco's turn to go home and take some rest. When Barry came back from the CCPD, he took his usual place next to Caitlin's bed, taking her hand in an attempt to get some of the comfort he strongly needed. But her hands were colder than he remembered, a painful reminder of how badly hurt she was, and the memories of that day still were tearing his heart.

He would do anything to take her place. It was his fault, it was always his fault. The people he loved always suffered because of him; they got kidnapped, threatened, tortured, all in the sake to keep helping the Flash, to keep helping him.

Since the last time when a meta-human tried to use Patty as a bait to lure the Flash, Barry had promised himself to never be with anyone. It was too much of a risk, a risk he wanted to avoid. But this time was different, he couldn't leave Caitlin and Cisco even if he tried, and he did tried once and failed miserably. They were his rock, they helped him when times where hard, worked with him whenever the city was in danger, they were his friends, and sadly this time Caitlin was the one to pay the price of his unwillingness to let them go.

He loved both of them so much, but he couldn't ignore the strong bond he shared with Caitlin, they supported each other, always relaying in the other. But after what had happened, Barry came to the conclusion that his feeling for her were stronger that he thought and all the bad guys out there were starting to realize that, as well. In order to ensure Caitlin's safety, he had to push her away. Even if his heart was going to break in the process, her safety was more important than his happiness.

His decision hurt him but it had to be done, he tenderly ran his thumb over her hand, kissing the barely visible bruise above her knuckles, a painfully reminder of what she've been through. With a heavy heart and a pained voice, he softly whispered, "You won't understand my decision. And I know once you wake up - because you will wake up - you will be very angry with me. I know you will try to convince me that what I'm doing is wrong. And I know all of this, because I know you, Cait, I know the loving and caring person you are and I know that no matter the danger you may be in because of me, you will never leave my side and that's one of the reason why I love you. I love you for being so compassionate, but I'm sorry, Cait, I have to push you away; you will be safer without me." And with one last kiss to her forehead he said to farewell, "I promise I'll never let anyone hurt you again. Never!"

Her fingers moved. He smiled through unshed tears and disappeared before she could stop him, leaving her alone. When she finally opened her eyes, Barry was far gone.

* * *

Caitlin had been staying in the hospital for a few more days in order to make sure her health was fine; all of her friends took good care of her, but Barry wasn't among them. He appeared only once, flatly wishing her a quick recovery and left without a word. His behavior surprised everyone, but even though they tried to talk with him, he would simply turn away and run before anyone could said a word. Eventually everything returned to normal, Cisco and Barry came back to catching meta-humans and each time Cisco visited Caitlin, Barry made an excuse and went running through the city, trying not to think about his beloved doctor.

The person who was the most surprised by his behavior was Caitlin. She didn't feel rejected or neglected. In fact she was beginning to get seriously worried. She thought that Barry had a problem, something was wrong, and she regretted she couldn't be there to support him. She tried calling him several times, but every time she went directly to voicemail. He just didn't want to pick up her calls.

Cisco didn't know how to explain his friend's behavior; how could he explain something he didn't understand at all? When Caitlin had been unconscious, Barry had been by her side all the time and the only person who could make him leave her side was Iris, and even then he didn't left Caitlin's side for more than half an hour. Why would he suddenly ignore her, when she clearly needed him more than ever?

* * *

Being away from Caitlin was very difficult for Barry. He felt lonely and hated himself for hurting her. He kept telling himself that it was the only way to keep her safe, that if they didn't spend time with each other, that if they weren't friends at all, perhaps she wouldn't be hurt again.

Caitlin soon returned home, and despite Cisco's complains, she decided to go back to STAR Labs. It wasn't because of her work, she knew that Team Flash would be fine without her for a little bit longer, but she needed to be back at the lab in order to be available to see Barry.

And the opportunity came sooner than she thought.

Barry had just returned from a mission and he wasn't expecting her to be in the lab. The moment he saw her, he stopped in his track, not being available to talk, he forgot how to breathe. She was wearing a red dress that ended a little above her knees, her hair was loose in those beautiful auburn curls he loved so much, and as per usual she had a worried expression on her lovely face. She was beyond beautiful.

The vision in front of him filled his heart with happiness; she was alive and healthy, he wanted to hug her and never let her go, to apologize and promise her to never let anyone hurt her again. He wanted to kiss her and let her know about his true feelings. As much as he tried to stay away from her, he needed her. He had missed her too much, but he just couldn't have her.

He saw sadness and pain in her eyes and it hurt him; once again he was the cause of her pain.

Caitlin cleared her throat, confused. She thought that she would see Barry depressed and that despite his problems he would greet his friend, that the sight of her back at STAR Labs would bring him happiness. But he was tense like he wanted to withdraw, and that was what hurt her the most.

Recognition dawned on her face. Barry didn't wanted to see her.

"What have I done to deserve your indifference, Barry?" she whispered.

Barry staggered. He knew Caitlin wouldn't understand his reasons, but the sight of her unshed tears made it harder than he thought. How he could push her away, when the only thing he wanted was to have her as close as possible? How could he run away from her when the only thing on his mind was to be next to her; holding her in his arms to protect her from all the evil in the world. He tried to ignore his wrong feelings for her, but seeing her now openly crying because of his indifference broke the walls he so hard tried to build.

He wasn't able to keep her away from his heart.

And with the last once of strength he had, he tried to push her away once again, "I don't have time to explain it. Now if you excuse me, I have to go." Hating himself for sounding harsh, he gave her a final glance and made his way to the door.

But he wasn't available to speed away because Caitlin's voice stooped him, "Barry Allen!" She began to walk toward him, and Barry was convinced that he couldn't longer stand it. He wanted to run out, but he couldn't move, his body was weighed down, his heart probably broken.

He leaned his elbow on the door frame and covered his face with his hands, and then Caitlin came to him, violently grabbed him by his hand and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Barry Allen, don't you dare to walk away! I think at least I deserve an explanation, please, just… just tell me what's bothering you. Why you want me to hate you?" Her voice was full of sorrow, raw with all her pend up emotions and shed tears. She interlocked her fingers with his, her eyes never leaving his face. "Cisco told me you had never left my side while I was unconscious. I don't know why you seem so invested in pushing me away, but just because you don't want me by your side it doesn't mean I would stop caring about you. Pushing me away won't change my feelings for you."

Barry couldn't take it anymore, all the pain from the last days finally got the best of him and all the tears he refused to let fall covered his eyes; he tried to hide his feelings from her, even thought Caitlin's cheeks were wet and her eyes were glassy. She didn't hesitated to show him her true feelings.

"You will never be safe with me Caitlin," he admitted quietly, tired of running from truth, from Caitlin, from his feelings.

Caitlin's lips slowly parted, a breath capture in her chest, trying to comprehend the whole truth. She felt relieved. "Oh, Barry," she sighed, letting go of his hand. "How could I be so blind? I should know by now that every time something happens to us you immediately blame yourself and try to push us away."

She put her hand on his cheek. "It's not your fault, Barry. You didn't do anything wrong, you don't always have to be on time. It's okay, really. There is a risk and we are all aware of it. But it doesn't mean that we have to be apart. I know you want what you think is best for me, but in order for me to have that, you have to let me make my own choices. And I choose you, Barry Allen. I need you just as much as you need me".

She got on her toes and gave him a hug. Without hesitation Barry embraced her, burying his face in her brown hair. He felt her sweet scent filled his senses and he swore to never push her away again.

"You must be stupid if you think that you would survive without me. Who would patch you up every time you'd get hurt?"

"You're right," he admitted charmingly. "So can we go for a coffee as the start of me compensating you for being the worst friend in the world?"

"Okay," she said. "But first you need to change your clothes. I want to spend some time with Barry, not the Flash. Today you're not the superhero that needs to protect me. Today you are my friend."

He obediently disappeared in order to change, but this time, however, he intended to come back. Caitlin chuckled, mesmerize with the knowledge of how much Barry cared about her. She couldn't imagine leaving him. She couldn't imagine a life without STAR Labs, without Barry. She loved her life, she loved Barry in some way and she didn't want to lose it all.

So when Barry appeared, she grabbed his hand, walking together as they always should be. And both of them knew that the moment their hands touched, something changed between them and they were more than happy to find out what it was.


	10. Without you

**Title:** _Without you_

 **Characters:** Caitlin Snow, Barry Allen, team flash

 **Summary:** _Barry, who's in a relationship with Caitlin, dies fighting a metahuman. A few months later Barry from the past visits Caitlin and helps her move on._

 **Beta reader:** elaine-spades

 **A/N:** _After six months of hiatus I'm back with the new chapter. I hope that the length of it will compensate you such a long break. I should forewarn you that this is very angsty and while writing it, I cried like a baby. Enjoy! :)_

* * *

 _ **Without you**_

"When Ronnie died, I thought I would never love again. It turned out, however, that time really heals all wounds. I mean... not entirely, but enough to be ready to move on. So a few months later I met a guy called Jay. I fell in love with him, but he wasn't the man I thought he was. He hurt me and then I really started to think that something is wrong with me. That maybe I don't deserve to be loved."

Caitlin wipes one lone tear that runs down her cheek. She takes a deep breath, looks up and directs unseeing gaze on the busy street. She doesn't see riding cars, hurrying people or running children. Instead she imagines a red streak of light skimming between all these obstacles. As if the Flash was still there.

"It took me some time to realize that my true love had been so close all this time. When I was devastated by the death of Ronnie, and then the whole thing with Jay, Barry was there for me. He kept me in check." Tears shimmer in her eyes, but she talks with strength in her voice. "I was afraid to get involved in a relationship with him. After all, it could destroy our friendship. In the end I opened my heart and finally understood that we were meant to be together."

The woman, who is listening to Caitlin, nods her head thoughtfully, then smiles slightly, as if she knows Caitlin's feelings perfectly, as if they are palpable in the air.

"You truly loved him, didn't you?"

Caitlin reciprocates a smile, though her heart breaks into pieces. She looks at the psychologist and notes in her eyes a compassion. She hates when people look a ther like that, because she has been seeing that look in the eyes of all of her friends for five long months.

"Yeah, so much," she admits. "Officially we had been together for one year. In fact, it had taken a little longer. One day, just like that, affectionate glances and gestures became something more. We behaved like teenagers in love with each other to the hilt. I started to believe that I finally had a chance to be happy. I was in love with someone who loved me back, who was honest and kind. Everything was perfect." Her lower lip trembles and voice breaks, when she adds: "Then he died."

Silence reigns in the room. Psychologist nods with understanding, and Caitlin wipes tears. She begins to regret that she has decided to come here. For some time she has been fared quite well, and the conversation with the psychologist opened up all of partially healed wounds.

"How did he die?"

"Just like Ronnie. Heroically, I must admit. He died as a hero. That's what he was."

* * *

Caitlin exceeds the threshold of her apartment. Since Barry died, the house has seemed to be empty. Once living in the apartment alone wasn't a problem for her, now she feels very lonely here. She closes the door behind her, heads to the living room, where she throws the coat and purse on the sofa. She approaches her phone lying on the table, which she always leaves at home to avoid annoying phone calls, and listens to her voice messages.

 _"Voicemail, what a surprise. You became very predictable, Caitlin. It's Cisco. Cisco Ramon. Your friend. Just in case you forgot who I am. Call me back or I'll bring you a chinese food and a bottle of wine and we'll have a real heart to heart talk. Okay, Caitlin, I'll even let you think up a name for next metahuman. Just call me back."_

Caitlin walks into the kitchen, takes out an orange juice of the fridge and fills the glass. Hearing the voice of Cisco, she grins slightly, full of guilt for ignoring him. At the same time she's unable to bring herself to call him. She sits on the chair and drinking juice, listens to next message resounding from the living room.

 _"Hey, Caitlin. I know that you're going through a hard time but we all are. We should support each other... I just want you to know that Star Labs is not the same without you. We need you."_

Iris seems distinctly worried and sad. Caitlin has to remind herself several times a day that she's not the only one who is suffering and that turning away from her friends is a mistake. Later, however, she remembers all the happy moments spent with Barry and she has no strength nor desire to return to the old life.

It's over; this day there are only two messages. Caitlin puts the empty glass in the sink and goes to the bedroom, where she takes off her shoes and lays down on the bed. On the dresser there's a photo of Caitlin and Barry at Cisco's birthday party. Both stand smiling, Barry covers Caitlin's back and looks at her, while she looks at the camera, laughing. Caitlin turns her back to the photo, covers her head under a pillow and enjoys the silence prevailing in the house. This silence sometimes scares her but today is very enjoyable.

She could fall asleep if not the sound of doorbell. She bets it's Cisco. At the beginning she wants to ignore him and wait until he'll go away, but when she hears a loud knock on the door, Caitlin simply can't bear it and decides to yell at her friend for stalking her. Suddenly she opens the door and stiffens.

The color draines out of her face as she sees the Flash in front of her.

* * *

Barry is exhausted. First he had to fight hard to overcome metahuman, and then, inadvertently of course, ran so fast that he landed in the future. To make matters worse, when he appeared in the Star Labs, he didn't find anyone there. So he decided to visit Caitlin and check if she can help him somehow. All the way - just a few seconds, so he didn't have too much time - he was preparing himself mentally for Caitlin being furious and admonishing him about the consequences of his act. He didn't think, however, that she would be looking at him as if she saw a ghost.

Everything about this day is too weird. Barry takes off his mask and smiles at Caitlin, who flinches. In her eyes there is something that Barry isn't able to figure out.

"Hey, Caitlin," he says lightly, unaware that Caitlin disintegrates under the influence of his voice. "You can consider this as crazy, but I'm from the past and I have no idea how I got here. Don't be mad, I swear I didn't do that on purpose."

Caitlin is looking at him for a moment without saying a word, and then exhales, only now realizing that she was holding her breath the whole time. So it's not her Barry. A glimmer of hope, that maybe Barry is alive and has been hiding those five months, suddenly goes off. Her eyes fill with tears, so she looks away. She don't want Barry to see her disappointment.

"Come in," she invites him, because that's all she can do.

She moves away a little so Barry can walk in, and when he walks past her, she claims that she hasn't forgot his appearance. She still remembers perfectly his facial features, smile, these eyes. He looks just like she has been imagining him for the last few months, and now he's so close, safe and sound, that she can easily touch, kiss or hug him.

Caitlin closes the door and heads with Barry to the living room. He looks around the room, surprised by the changes that have taken place here. The last time he was here, it was after their evening with karaoke and he had been sitting at her side until she fell asleep. Then her apartment looked inhabited by only one person, but now it seems as if the apartment has been decorated also by a man. The thought of Caitlin being in a relationship and apparently not getting along with Barry anymore, makes him feel something he can't define.

"What year are you from?" she asks after a moment of awkward silence, avoiding eye contact.

"Two thousand sixteen. We're in two thousand eighteen, right?"

"Yeah." She sits on the sofa. She's trying not to look at Barry, but also wants to satisfy her needs by looking at him, because she knows that she will never see him again. And this thought makes it hard to stop the tears. "You never told me that you were in the future."

Something about the way she is saying all the words, quietly and hesitantly, makes Barry worried. He sits down beside her on the couch and her mouth twitches, when he puts his hand on her shoulder.

"Cait," he whispers. His voice, though quiet and sensitive, seems to pierce her heart and break it into pieces. It's too much to handle. "Are you okay? Have I done something wrong and now you hate me?"

She turns her head toward him, and Barry freezes when he sees the suffering painted on her face. Her eyes are red and full of tears, she shudders and quickly looks away.

"Hate you? No, I don't hate you. I love you. I love you so much that I can't bear this pain."

Barry takes a deep breath, surprised by Caitlin's confession. She gets up quickly and begins walking around the room, and the words start to come out of her mouth by continuous stream.

"I shouldn't tell you this, but how am I supposed to hide it from you? We were together, Barry. More than a year. And then you died, fighting a metahuman with Wally. He survived. You didn't."

The fact that Caitlin loves him is enough to make Barry speechles and give him a lot of unknown emotions. The more, the news of his impending death hit him with such force that it's hard to believe that what Caitlin said is true.

He covers his face with his hands, trying to sort through everything in his head. Firstly, Caitlin loves him. His friend, which he has never thought about that way, but now that he knows how important he is for her, everything starts to make sense. His Caitlin. She was always so close, and only now he knows he should really give them a chance. Why wouldn't he? She's a precious, beautiful woman, who he cares about so much.

She can make him happy. Just for a year but still. He can make her happy. And then break her heart.

So, secondly, he's gonna die. The fastest man alive isn't immortal. One day, in less than two years, he's going to fall. But not his death scares him the most. Of course, he's afraid of the moment when all of this will be over, when his heart will stop beating, but he's mostly worried about his loved ones. He can imagine how much they will suffer...Joe, Iris, Cisco... He will leave them. And the whole city.

Thirdly, Caitlin apparently is the most devastated by his death. After what he has learned, Barry is afraid to look at her, sure that if he does, he won't be able to survive those two years with the thought that when he die, Caitlin will remain in this state. When he raises his head, trembling because of the emotion, he now sees Caitlin fully suffering. She's not trying to hide her pain anymore. She starts to cry, totters and almost falls, but Barry quickly catches her. He embraces her and they both fall to the floor, where she buries her face in his chest, and he strokes her hair, hugging her tight to him.

They are spending such a long time like that, squeezed to each other, crying quietly. In the end, Caitlin looks up and their faces, close to each other at a distance of several centimeters, are filled with tremendous pain. First of all, they both feel lonely. She knows that soon she will have to say goodbye to him and she will never see him. He knows that soon he will have to go back to his time and pretend that everything is fine. No one, and especially Caitlin, can learn about the impending death of Barry. From today he's gonna keep it as a secret.

"Stay with me," she says slowly. Her broken voice has a power to kill Barry right now. He's barely breathing, when she's so close, heartbroken but also beautiful and strong. "Please don't leave me."

Barry is looking long into her eyes, his hand gently passes down her cheek. Then he shoves her hair back away from her face. Under the influence of his touch she closes her eyes, calming her breath. They both think about how much they want to capture this moment forever, and then he kisses her so gently that their lips barely touch each other. Caitlin sighs, and then reciprocates the kiss, pouring on it all of the emotions. She pulls him closer, and he holds her face with his hands, kissing her passionately and thinking only about the fact that for him, it's their first kiss, that soon he will be able to kiss her like that every day, but for her, for this Caitlin, it's their last kiss, so he's trying to show how much he cares for her.

And that's when Barry realizes that he really loves her, and if he has to spend the rest of his life with Caitlin, he can't wait for all those unforgettable moments.

Their lips reluctantly pull away from each other, slowly, memorizing mutual taste and a feeling that has captured their bodies. They look at each other in silence, on their lips are forming light, full of pain smiles.

"You know that I have to go, but before we say goodbye, I want to tell you that you should go back to Star Labs," Barry begins, and when Caitlin shakes her head and wants to interrupt him, he rans his hand throught her hair. "I know it's hard, that you associate Star Labs with me... as well the apartment because I guess we used to live together here. So if you are able to live her alone, you can handle working in Star Labs as well. You are needed there, you know? I don't know anyone smarter and more caring than you, so you should help Wally. One hero may be death but the rest is alive. You, Cisco, Wally, Iris, Harry and the others ... all of you are heroes. Each of you did something good, you hear me? The hero is not just someone who is wearing the mask. It's also all those people who sit in front of the computer and give him tips or heal his wounds. You're a hero, Cait, and you can't give up. Do it for me, for Cisco, for the city. And above all, do it for yourself."

For a moment she is looking at him in astonishment, then, surprising him completely, she smiles sincerely through tears running down her cheeks. She raises his mask from the floor and tenderly places it on his face. Before covering the mouth, she gently kisses him for the last time, and then all of Barry's face disappears under the red mask of the Flash.

"Okay," she whispers. "I'll do it. We will continue what you started. Now go. You still have a lot of people to rescue and a girl who is almost ready to love you. You just need to help her realize it."

"But Cait, I don't know how to come back."

Both of them rise from the floor. Caitlin wipes the tears.

"I think it's quite easy," she says freely. "Run, Barry, run."

He nods, but can't bring himself to leave.

"I love you," he confesses simply. It's easier to say those three words than to say goodbye. "I'll always be with you."

"I love you too, Barry."

He runs out of the house, and she feels familiar gust of wind. She can't help but smile, although her heart breaks. She walks to the window, reveals the curtain and sees the red streak rushing down the street. Now this is not an imagination, it is really happening. Barry may be gone, but in her memory and heart he'll live forever.

* * *

Caitlin walks into the room filled with familiar faces, which she hasn't seen in weeks. Star Labs hasn't changed at all. Iris interrupts the conversation with his father and they both look at her surprised. Harry raises his head from some invention and Cisco pushes his chair away from the computer and before Caitlin has time to say something, he hugs her tightly.

Among the familiar faces grinning at her, among all those places filled with memories and, above all, in the arms of her closest friend, Caitlin finds something she lost 5 months ago. Home.


	11. Because of you

**Title:** _Because of you_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow

 **Summary:** _Barry and Caitlin have a heart to heart talk after everything that's happened in 3x07_

 **Beta reader:** none

 **A/N:** _What do you think about the lastest episode of The Flash? It's my favorite episode so far and I still can believe we got so many emotional scenes. Our ship makes my cry. Anyway, this one shot is something I'd like to see on the screen. Enjoy!_

* * *

 _ **Because of you**_

She's there. Safe and sound.

Relief, joy and sensitivity are the feelings that accompany him, when he enters the room and smiles at the sight of Caitlin sitting at her desk. Caitlin hears his footsteps, turns toward him and their eyes meet. For the first time in days she's fine.

"Barry," she says. He appreciates a soft sound of her voice, though still bearing in mind the words spoken by Killer Frost.

"Hey." He takes a few steps, tucking his hands into his pockets. "I don't want to bother you."

"Oh, I'm not doing anything important. Besides, it's always good to see you."

Her kindness gives him courage, so he sits in a chair in front of her. He notices how beautifully Caitlin looks today. She is wearing jeans, a flannel shirt and high heels. There's still a gray streak among her brown hair. He guesses that Caitlin doesn't like it because it reminds her of Killer Frost, but he finds her hair lovely.

Barry takes a deep breath, wondering how to start a conversation. There is so much he wants to tell her.

"I looked through the results of Wally's research," Caitlin starts, not looking at him. She's writing on the keyboard and looking at the computer screen. "In my opinion, everything is fine. His-"

"Cait, I'm not here to talk about Wally or anyone else," Barry interrupts. He covers her hand with his, what makes her stop writing. "I'm here because I wanted to check on you."

She finally looks at him and a corner of her mouth lifts. Although she looks much better than yesterday, Barry glimpses the sadness in her eyes.

"I'm okay. I just..."

Caitlin gently pulls her hand out of his and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Come on, you know you can tell me everything," he assures her.

"I'm sorry, Barry. I said a lot of bad things about you yesterday."

"Don't apologize." He shakes his head. It's hard for him to believe that such a friendly person as Caitlin was able to turn into cold hearted Killer Frost. "You wasn't yourself and let's be honest, I deserved it. Because of me you've gained your powers. I destroyed your and Cisco's life for my own happiness. Everything you said is true. I was a jerk but now I know that you and the whole team... you're all that matters."

She gives him a half-smile and he realizes how real his words are. He would do anything for her. He would risk his own life to make sure that she's okay. After being so close to losing her, now he knows that he can't let her down again.

"Okay, maybe you deserved it, but you're the one who brought me back from darkness. You saved me."

Their embraces became a part of everyday life a long time ago, so when Caitlin gets up, Barry follows her example. Without hesitation she cuddles up to him. He holds her tight, feeling her heart beating next to his chest.

She's so human and so warm that he can't imagine losing her.

"Don't worry about Cisco, Barry." Her soft voice makes him believe that everything is going to be fine. "He just needs some time."

"I know," he admits. "Thank you."

It's Caitlin who decides to break the hug.

"I don't mind you being a good friend, but shouldn't you be at work right now?" she asks, moving away from him.

He massages the back of his neck, sadness clouds his features.

"No one told you? I quit."

"Wait, what? Why would you-," she stops and the recognition dawns on her face. "Julian. He made you do that."

Barry nods and begins to walk around the room. Caitlin follows him with her eyes, shocked by her discovery.

"It's because of me," she realizes. "You did this for me."

"Of course I did this for you." He stands in front of her. "I would do anything for you."

"But Barry, you love this job!"

"And I love you," he answers simply and those words make her quiet. There's a sorrow in her eyes, while he loses his self-confidence. "Don't look at me like that, Cait, you're the one who kissed me."

A flush creps up her face and Barry gives her lopsided grin, remembering that quite interesting moment.

"I almost froze you out and you're using the kiss to tease me?" She giggles, nervous. "I wasn't myself, remember? When I kissed you, I thought about killing you. There was nothing romantic about it."

Barry begins to laugh, at what she's even more upset.

"No need to explain it, Caitlin. Platonic, murderous kiss. I get it."

He raises his hands in a gesture of surrender, and she rolls her eyes in response.

"Oh, just shut up. I think I'm done talking about this terrible day for the rest of my life."

"As you wish." He grins and she can't help but smile too. "Cisco will kill me if he finds out, but I have to tell you that he's working on a suit for you."

She rests against the wall, crossing her arms on her chest.

"I don't need a suit," she replies.

"You will do what you want, Caitlin, but it would be fun to have you by my side during the fights with Alchemy and other enemies. The posibility of you being hurt freaks me out, but I think you're a good material for a hero."

He decides to leave her alone, let her think about it. He heads to the exit, while Caitlin takes a deep breath.

"Barry," she stops him. He turns to look at her. "I want you to know that I love you too and I would do anything for you, as well."

He leaves Caitlin's lab with a honest smile plastered on his face. She sits back next to her computer, this time much calmer and happier. She rests her chin on her palm, knowing that Barry is somewhere in the Star Labs, so close that she can leave the room and meet him in the hallway.

He's there. And that's what makes her feel safe.


	12. Rosy lips

**Title:** _Rosy lips_

 **Characters:** Caitlin Snow, Barry Allen

 **Summary:** _Caitlin's sudden change of lipstick makes Barry realize that dr. Snow is hiding something and that his feelings might be deeper than he thought_

 **Beta reader:** haelover

 **A/N:** _I really like this fluffy, quite long fic and I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)_

* * *

It was a quiet day at STAR Labs, dedicated mainly to friendly banter and usual speed test. To be honest, they were all bored. But despite the boredom, they were concentrated on their work, especially Barry. He was absorbed in his task at hand: admiring Caitlin's rosy lips. For him, her lips were more beautiful than a sunset or even the night stars.

He had always known that Caitlin was a beautiful woman, how could he not, but through the pass of time he´d been aware of how his attraction to his private physician has been wronging. From some time now, appreciating all that Caitlin Snow is, has become part of his daily routine; first he would usually steal a quick glimpse of the way her clothes seem to fit her body perfectly, making her look beyond beautiful and elegant. Then was her hair, her beautiful chestnut hair framing her face, making her eyes look even more mesmerizing. And, in the times he was feeling bold, what had been happening more frequently, he allowed himself a quick glance at her lips, finding it hard to take his gaze from them.

He was not quite sure what was behind his infatuation with Caitlin's lips, maybe it had to do with the fact that she started wearing a darker shade of lipstick. But aside from his fascination, he began to wonder why Caitlin had decided to change her usually pink lipstick to a darker shade of red. It could be a simple, feminine whim, but Barry knew her well enough to know that she only changed something when it was absolutely necessary, even something as trivial as her choice of cosmetics.

Caitlin new choice of lipstick was truly a mystery for the young speedster, and he wanted to be the first to unravel the mystery hidden under her crimson lips.

Obviously asking her was not an option. What could he say? "Caitlin, I'm worried about you because you changed the color of your lipstick." "Caitlin, have you realized that your lips are the same shade of red as my suit?" It wasn't a good idea, no matter how he'd said it he would end up looking like a stalker.

But instead of letting go of the problem at hand, Barry's attention was solely focused on her lips. In his defense, while admiring her crimson lips, he was also paying attention to everything going through her face.

When he finally decided to ask her about her choice of lipstick he noticed something. Caitlin was avoiding them, not only them, she was avoiding talking about new metas. He came to notice that every time anyone would talk about people with new abilities, she would leave the room to come back with a sad and defeated face and her eyes, once so bright and full of hope, would be dull and filled with sorrow, a sorrow that shattered his heart.

When Cisco left STAR Labs, Barry decided to see if his conjectures were right. And before Caitlin could make her way to the door, he was in front of her. To say Catlin Snow was more than surprised and a little annoyed with the way Barry had been behaving all day would be an understatement. His persistence in not letting her leave the STAR Labs was not helping his case.

"You're so odd today, Barry," she stated, putting her arms on her hips.

"Me? Why? Why do you think so?"

Caitlin looked at him askance. She tilted her head to the left side, what further enhanced the beauty of her lips. Barry's eyes unwillingly rested on them for the thousand time that day.

"Oh let me think. First, you keep on spacing out on me whenever we´re talking, then you have been staring at me all day, and now you don't let me go home! You're doing it again! Stop staring at me!"

She slapped him on the shoulder.

Barry woke up from a momentary stupor, forcing himself to look at Caitlin's eyes. He suddenly realized that not only her mouth had changed. Her eyes, once dark brown, where now a shade lighter, and if he was trusting his eyesight they were light blue. But that couldn't be, right?

And that's when everything made sense, "Changing your lipstick wasn't really your choice, was it? You're changing."

Barry sudden deduction made Caitlin speechless. For several weeks, she had been trying so hard to hide her newly gain abilities from everyone, and now out of the blue Barry knew about them, and all thanks to her stupid change of lipstick.

She was scared of his reaction but at the same time, she felt lighter, she didn't have to hide the truth from him anymore.

"Damn it, Caitlin! You have powers! Why didn't you tell me?" He knew she had all the right in the world not tell him, but he couldn't stop feeling betrayed. She was the only person who has always been honest with him, and here she was, hiding something as important as her new abilities from him.

"I wanted to tell you but..."

"But what? You couldn't trust me?"

"Of course I trust you, but I... I didn't want you to blame yourself. Besides, I was afraid of your reaction, what if you decided it was better for me to be lockout in the pipeline? What if you thought I was a monster?" She admitted, her voice quivering with each word.

"Cait, that would never happen, how could you even think that?" What hurt him the most wasn't the fact that she didn't tell him about her new abilities, it was the fact that she could ever think like that. Her words hurt him, but her eyes told him the truth, she wasn't really afraid of his reaction, she was afraid of herself. "Listen to me, Cait, whether you have brown hair or ice blonde, red or blue lips... You're still you. You're a kind person who loves with every fiber of her being, you're not a monster. You are not HER."

After his words, all that Caitlin could do was release all the emotions she had been bottling up since she had found out about her abilities. Barry did the only thing he could; he brought her to his arms while she cried her demons away. And right there he realized how scared she was of this whole situation and going through it all by herself was even worse. He decided that now he would be with her all the time, he would try his best to help her and that he would never stop believing in her.

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault," he said, pushing her slightly away to be able to look at her. Again, his eyes wandered to her lips. "We'll get through this. I promise you."

He knew it was the best moment, but he couldn't stop himself anymore. Her lips were calling to him, and for the first time since he had vowed never to be selfish and think of the consequences of his action in others, he threw it all away, he needed to kiss her pain away. Slowly he leaned toward her, but when his lips were inches away from hers, Caitlin laid a hand on his mouth, stopping him before he could kiss her.

"Barry... We can't," she muttered, giving him a lopsided grin. "I could kill you, in Earth -2, Killer Frost was able to kill a man with a kiss. I don't want to hurt you."

He knew the consequences, but he couldn't hide his feeling for her any longer. He knew that she would never do anything to hurt him, he trusted her even if she didn't trust herself.

"I'm willing to take the risk. I trust you, Cait, I know you won't hurt me," he spoke into her beautiful lips.

All the fear Caitlin had felt vanished within seconds, when Barry kissed her gently, tasting her mouth. After a day spent at staring at Caitlin's lips, he finally had a chance to feel their taste, discover the secrets hidden not only under Caitlin's lips but also in his heart. He had been trying so hard to bury his feelings in fear of being rejected once again, but now he couldn't hide them anymore. Now he didn't want to continue lying to himself anymore, now he knew that he was in love with this beautiful woman. He loved Caitlin Snow, with or without her new abilities.

They had never talked about their feelings, they had never even thought about them, and yet they were kissing as if it was the most normal thing in the world. There was no room for doubt. As if they had been waiting for this moment forever.

Caitlin deepened the kiss, feeling a sudden need for sensitivity. She had never been so hungry for someone's touch.

Around them, there was a light mist. Despite their warm bodies, it suddenly went cold, and Barry felt that Caitlin, who was still in his arms, ceased to control her abilities. Gently and reluctantly he broke the kiss, unable to suppress a smile.

"One more moment and you would freeze me," he joked but immediately snorted, when he saw fear on Caitlin's face. "Don't worry, Cait. A little more practice will help."

"And I assume you're willing to provide it." She giggled, throwing her arms around his neck. She felt something she hadn't felt for a long time. She felt happy and safe.

"Maybe, if you ask me nicely," he teased.

"Stop flirting with me, Barry Allen, and let me show you my power."

He felt a sudden surge of excitement as Caitlin grabbed his hand and headed towards the exit. Barry could pick her up and quickly run out of the STAR Labs with Caitlin's slight body in his arms, her breath on his neck and her hair doffing his face. However, he politely let her guide him, interweaving his fingers with hers.

They went out of the building. Fortunately, there were no people. The sun was shining, it was warm, but the weather wasn't an obstacle for Caitlin. The woman smiled, kissed Barry once again, let go of his hand and walked away from him. He watched her spellbound, as she stood in the middle of the grass, opened her fisted hands and unleashed her power.

Barry's jaw dropped at the sight of something so fantastic. From Caitlin's hands came out a blue mist that fell down the grass, morphing into ice. Barry saw Caitlin's face focused and calm. He noticed the ease with which she controlled her powers. She was a beautiful woman, there was no doubt about that, but at that moment she was more beautiful than ever.

She looked at him to see his reaction and she must have seen his eyes filled with admiration, because she smiled happily. The grass under her feet turned to ice. Then Caitlin held back her power and pulled out her hand in Barry's direction.

Without hesitation, he grabbed both of her hands and let her pull him to the improvised skating ring. They began to twirl around each other. They were aware that they looked ridiculous and everyone could see them, but at the moment nothing mattered.

Caitlin swayed suddenly, but Barry grabbed her quickly, pulled her closer and kissed her passionately.

As long as he was by her side, he would never let her fall.

"I guess you enjoyed my little show," Caitlin said, when their lips reluctantly moved away from each other.

Unbelievable, Caitlin Snow could flirt. Barry was positively surprised.

"That was amazing!" Barry didn't even try to hide his excitement. "You can be a hero, Caitlin. We can work together. The Flash and Killer Frost. But I'm pretty sure that Cisco can come up with a better name for you."

They laughed, unable to break away from each other.

"You're not a monster or a killer, Cait. You are wonderful. Never forget that."

Caitlin couldn't stop smiling. She had never thought that she could be as happy as she was in that moment. She ran a hand over Barry's mouth and cheek, wiping every trace of her lipstick.

"You know, I don't mind your lips being blue, but can you please keep using this lipstick? I really like it," Barry boldly stated.

"I think that's a doable request. After all, none of this would ever happen if it wasn't for this lipstick. So... What now? I think it's time to tell the others."

He once again grabbed her hand.

"I'll be by your side. We'll do it together."

Together...she could get used to it.

"Together," she repeated his words. Barry followed the movement of her lips, aware that from now on he would be able to kiss her every day.

"Together."


	13. Confession

**Title:** _Confession_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Julian Albert

 **Summary:** _When Barry realizes that Caitlin might love him too, he decides to confess his feelings_

 **Beta Reader:** simplysnowbarry

 **A/N:** _Happy Valentine's Day! I'm sorry for not posting anything sooner but I just couldn't put any of my ideas into words. I'm not even sure if you're gonna like this one, it isn't one of my best one shots. If you have any prompts you'd like me to write, just tell me. It would really help :)_

* * *

Caitlin's gentle hands touched Barry's face, where a big wound blemished his cheek. He felt her fingers on his sensitive skin and he knew it should hurt him, but he felt relaxed under the influence of her touch. Her face was so close to his that he could feel and hear her breathing. He had never had such a great opportunity to kiss her. Maybe he would do that if she hadn't pulled away from him.

Barry's expression hardened and he scolded himself internally.

"Are you okay?" Caitlin asked, noticing the change in his mood. "It will take some time for the wound to heal. I can give you aspirin if you want."

He thought that if there were tablets for stupidity, he would swallow them all without hesitation. The wound on his face wasn't his biggest concern.

He still wasn't able to understand why the presence of Caitlin had been recently influencing him that much. Every time she entered the room, he forgot how to breathe. When she smiled, he thought it was the most beautiful smile in the world. And when he finally came to the conclusion that it must be love, a new villain kicked his ass. At least that way he could spend more time with Caitlin, although he would rather do something else than watch her patching his bruised cheek.

Since they were alone, he could confess his feelings and find out if she felt the same, but it was not that simple. Not at the moment, when she looked at him reproachfully.

"You know, one day you're gonna get yourself killed and there will be nothing for me to patch up," she snarled. "Be careful, Barry."

He didn't want to argue with her. Actually, the way she cared about him made him feel like it would be best to hug her. He could add the hug to the long lists of things he had no courage to do. It was because he had a strange feeling that whatever he did, Caitlin would immediately figure out that he was in love with her. At the same time he was aware that it was ridiculous. He had repeatedly hugged Caitlin or held her hand and it hadn't changed anything. They were still friends. Just friends.

"I'm fine, Cait. I will feel even better after watching a movie," he suggested, wondering at the same time, if it sounded like an invitation for a date. It was Valentine's Day after all. "You might want to join? I'll let you choose."

Sadness clouded Caitlin's features and Barry began to be afraid of the answer.

"Sorry, Barry, but I have plans." She forced a smile, while a flush crept up her face. "Julian asked me on a date and I said yes."

That wasn't what he had expected to hear. Silence reigned in the room. Caitlin looked away, pretending that she was looking for something in her purse. Barry attempted to say a few things, but none of the noises actually turned into words let alone sentences. He just couldn't believe it.

"I was surprised as well, but then I thought that it might be a good idea. We'll have some drinks, talk a little, I won't be alone anymore," she gibbered and Barry couldn't help thinking that she tried to convince herself more than him. "You don't mind, do you?"

"What? No, of course not. Why would I?" He was taken aback by the fact that he managed to say something. The pain in his cheek as he spoke only reminded him how bad that day was. "I had no idea that there's something between you and Julian."

Caitlin bit her lower lip, still not looking at him.

Apparently not only Barry was upset by this awkward situation. He didn't even fully understand why both of them were acting strange. He must be jealous, but what was Caitlin feeling?

If he asked her, he wouldn't get a specific answer. That's because she did not know what she felt when she was avoiding eye contact with Barry. She knew something was wrong, that Barry wasn't happy about her dating Julian. She wondered what annoyed her more; the fact that Barry might have something against her date or that he wasn't able to talk about his feelings. Maybe she was wrong, maybe there was nothing between them. Maybe he was surprised, nothing more.

"We're only friends, but you know, the best relationships come from true friendships," she whispered, raising her chin to look at him.

If he needed confirmation that she felt the same, he could find it in her eyes. She waited for him to say something. Something that would make her stay.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Caitlin. Have fun," he said.

Fighting back tears, she plastered a smile on her face, picked up her purse and left the room without turning to look at him for one last time.

Barry exhaled deeply, only now finding out that he had been holding his breath while watching Caitlin leave. He had made a mistake, he knew it. But he couldn't stop her by admitting that he loved her. He didn't want to be selfish. Caitlin was able to make her own decisions and she could date whoever she wanted. That was not his business.

She wasn't his.

He stood up, feeling pain in the chest. He wasn't sure if it was a result of the recent fight or his heart being broken.

Heading to the exit, Barry dreamed of a long bath and being buried under several blankets. Maybe his dreams would've come true, if it hadn't been for Julian, who rounded the bend in the corridor.

"Hello, mate," he said with a smile on his face. Barry still wasn't used to Julian being nice. "I see that you've been heavily battered."

"Not once," Barry murmured, massaging the back of his neck. "I heard that you are going on a date with Caitlin."

Julian nodded, suddenly embarrassed.

"Yeah, you don't mind? I know that you and Caitlin are close and that-"

"Wait, Julian," Barry interrupted him, knowing that this conversation was going in a wrong direction. "There's nothing more between me and Caitlin."

He only hoped that it had sounded convincing.

"You were a good liar when you pretended not to be the Flash, but when it comes to you and Caitlin, you can't fool me, Allen," Julian stated. Barry was ready to deny it, but Julian didn't let him say anything. "Listen, mate, I'm not an expert of people's feelings, but everyone sees how you look at Caitlin. And how she looks at you."

"You think...," his tone gentled a little, a corner of his mouth lifted, "...you think she feels the same?"

Julian rolled his eyes, feeling as if he was talking to a child.

"It's pretty obvious. Go get the girl, Barry. I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" Barry asked. His face beamed and his heart filled with hope.

"Yes, yes!" Julian laughed, pushing him to go. "Tell her how you feel."

And that's what he was going to finally do.

* * *

Barry knocked on the door, shifting from one foot to the other. Waiting wasn't one of his favorite activities.

Caitlin ran a hand through her hair, making sure that everything was okay. With her heart beating faster than usual, though not as quickly as in the presence of Barry, she opened the door.

Their eyes met. Caitlin pursed her lips, surprised that it wasn't Julian who was looking at her the way no one ever had. Barry couldn't tear his eyes from her, because she looked like an angel in a purple dress, with some subtle makeup and her hair being a mass of tangled curls.

"Barry," she whispered.

At this moment, his huge smile was able to light up the whole city.

"You're so beautiful," he said lightly, as if he was talking about something that was commonly known.

Caitlin had no time to even blink. Barry took her face in his hands and made her hold her breath by kissing her. Caitlin felt her body getting pleasantly weak as she threw her arms around Barry's neck and returned the kiss. Their lips told each other everything their hearts had been hiding without uttering any word, their bodies pulled closer, all of the emotions finally coming to light.

When Caitlin pulled away to catch a breath, Barry tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, looking at her as if she was his everything.

"What about Julian?" Caitlin asked, closing her eyes under the influence of his touch.

"He said that he would be okay and that I should tell you how I feel," Barry admitted, stroking her cheek.

She opened her eyes so she could not only hear what Barry was going to say, but also see it on his face.

"And what exactly do you feel, Barry Allen?"

"Right now I feel awesome. Like never before," he giggled, surprised by how easy talking about his feelings became. Speaking about his feelings made his heart lighter, his breath calmer. "It's because I'm in love with you, Caitlin Snow. I'm sorry it took me that long to realize it. I'm sorry that I had to be jealous to realize that I want to be the man who walks by your side holding your hand, who kisses you in front of people and when we're alone, who loves you more than anyone else. I want to be your best friend like I've always been, but I also want to be your lover. I just hope you want the same."

Her lashes fluttered, tears shone in her eyes.

"It's too late," she said slowly.

Barry's heart jumped to his throat, when his world fell apart. He began to move back, but then Caitlin burst into laughter.

"I want the same." The confession left her mouth, her hands rested on his chest, eyes shined not only with tears but also with happiness. "Your reaction was precious, I wish you could see that."

"You're cruel," he retorted, pulling her closer to him.

"Will you forgive me?" She teased.

The door shut behind them.

"If you let me kiss you again." He leaned towards her.

"I can even let you stay," she whispered to his lips. "Happy Valentine's Day, Barry."

He wondered how much their relationship was going to change. She would still be his overprotective doctor and best friend. On the other hand, however, they would spend more time together, consisting of kissing, cuddling and other romantic stuff.

Their lips meet again.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Cait."

Everything was going to be both the same and completely different.


	14. First date

**Title:** _First date_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow

 **Summary:** _Barry arranges a picnic for Caitlin, what turns out to be their first date_

 **Beta Reader:** none

 **A/N:** _The lack of snowbarry scenes deprives me of the desire to write, maybe the next episode will change that. Caitlin Snow as Killer Frost is gonna slay! Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this fluffy one shot :)_

* * *

"I think the moment has come, Barry Allen. I mean the one when I remind you that you have a superhuman speed and you don't need a bike."

They both are standing in front of Star Labs, and while Barry tries to attach the basket to his bike, Caitlin looks at him with her hands on her chest. She squints her eyes at the sun, what makes her look even more irritated.

"I think you should be a little less skeptical and more optimistic, Caitlin," he answers, then claps his hands. "Okay, it's ready. Do you like your bike?"

Caitlin takes a peep at the second bicycle. It's definitely a retro one with a pastel blue frame and a soft saddle. Catlin looks again at Barry, then at the bike. Her bike. Since when does she have a bike?

"It's cute, but why do we need these bikes?" Confusion isn't a word enough to express what Caitlin feels. "You said you wanted to take me somewhere. I don't understand what buying bicycles has to do with this."

"Oh, Cait, isn't it obvious? We're going on a bicycle trip and a picnic. I came across this idea when I saw these great bikes on the garage sale. Easy, I didn't pay much. I hope they won't break down on the road."

She gives him a frightened look and he bursts into a laugh. Barry seems to be ready to make fun of her today, but she feels a sudden excitement. She has to spend the whole day with Barry in the open air and it might be a really good idea.

While Caitlin approaches her bike and touches the steering wheel, Barry pulls out his sunglasses of the basket and gives them to her.

"Thank you, my hero," she says, with the relief sheltering from the sun. "So, where is our destination?"

"You'll see," he answers mysteriously and gets on his bike.

Their trip begins. Barry goes ahead, Caitlin behind him. None of them remember the last time they went cycling. Caitlin is used to driving a car, Barry beats every distance in a few seconds on his own feet. Now they have to use some effort and it gives them more fun than they could admit.

Sometimes he turns away to make a quick glimpse at Caitlin as if he needs to be sure that she's still there. Caitlin begins to wonder if even on such a beautiful day she may be forced to patch him up when he falls off his bike. The thought of it involuntarily makes her giggle.

"Oh my God, Caitlin Snow, is it a laughter I'm hearing from you?" He teases her. "It can't be!"

"Shut up or I'll freeze you out," she threatens him, but in spite of the menacing tone of her voice, a smile can't go down her face.

"You just joked about your frosty powers what you haven't done since... okay, you've never done that," he points it out and Caitlin has to admit that he's right. "Fresh air has a good effect on you. Or maybe it's just my company."

She tries to remember when she felt as happy as she does now and nothing comes to her mind.

"Do not flatter yourself, Barry." She takes a sharp breath as she starts to realize how cycling affects her legs. "How much longer?"

After a while, it turns out that they are almost there. Caitlin feels that her dry throat needs water and her legs could use some rest. They stop at a small, empty car park. Barry jumps off the bike and unlocks his basket.

"Are you sure that leaving our bikes here is a good idea? I know you said that I shouldn't be skeptical, but I kinda like this piece of lumber."

"There is no one here, Cait. Nobody will steal them. Come on, I'll show you a beautiful place." He sends her a lovely smile and she can do nothing but grab his arm and let him lead her to that mysterious place. "Piece of lumber? For real, Caitlin?"

They climb a small hill and Barry feels like his heart is trying to get out of his chest. He hides the stress under his smile but he's really afraid that Caitlin won't like what he has prepared for her. She doesn't even realize how important this day is to him. How this sunny day can change everything.

When they arrive, Caitlin doesn't know what to say. Her gaze wanders around the city, which spreads beneath their feet. They can see the buildings, the cars driving the streets, even Star Labs, they just have to look closely. Barry doesn't pay attention to any of this, his eyes watch Caitlin's reaction. When he sees the calm on her face, he immediately loosens up.

"I guess you like it," he concludes, not being able to take his eyes off her.

Her hair flutters in the wind, and her face brightens as she turns to look at him. Barry would like to keep this moment just to be able to come back to it.

"Thoroughly," she asserts him, her voice gentles. "I've never thought that such a place like this may exist. You know how to amaze me, Barry."

"Best yet to come."

Before she can say anything, Barry uses his speed to make a picnic. After a few seconds, Caitlin sees the blanket on the grass, and the delicacies on it, including sandwiches, fruit, and champagne. She doesn't even pay attention to the fact that her jaw dropped from surprise.

And suddenly she realizes that she couldn't be here with anyone else. Not even with Cisco. She knows that it's something more than just a picnic of two friends. The flush creeps her face and she can't help it.

He grabs her hand and makes her sit beside him on the blanket. When he pours champagne, she decides to see if her conclusions are right.

"This place is so beautiful. And romantic. Wally and Jesse would like it."

"Probably, but I'd rather keep this place as our sweet secret." He hands her a glass.

Caitlin wishes she knew what to do to stop her heart from skipping fastly. She takes a strawberry and looks at the city.

"You know, one day you may fall in love and I think this place is a great choice for a romantic date." She doesn't look at him, knowing how stupid it sounds.

"That's why I took you here, Cait."

For a moment they're not saying anything. He massages the back of his neck, and she wonders if it's really possible for a heart to beat so fast. Maybe she only imagines it as she imagines that she's on a freaking date with Barry Allen.

"So it's a date?" She's surprised by the fact that she's still able to sound normal. Her first instinct is to start laughing or turn it all into a joke, even if she's so bad at kidding.

"Only if you want it to be," he explains quickly, thinking that he might have ruined everything. "I'm sorry, I should have asked you out first."

"I see that people really like to surprise me," she snorts, taking another strawberry. "Last Saturday, Cisco took me to a movie screening. He said it was a marathon of comedy movies, so I agreed. I didn't look at the titles of the films because I fully trusted the taste of Cisco. My bad. You can't imagine how surprised I was when it turned out to be a horror marathon. I thought I would kill him when the big clown showed on the screen. I hate clowns."

Barry must put down a glass so that he doesn't pour champagne. His joyful laughter spreads through the meadow. Strangely, his reaction doesn't make Caitlin angry. In fact, she gives him a lopsided grin.

"Don't laugh at me," she says, but starts laughing too.

"Sorry, Caitlin, I just imagined it and I'm sure you both looked ridiculous. You know, Cisco feeling pretty chilled and you being annoyed with him. I assume you left the cinema."

"No!" She lifts a chin and takes a sip of champagne. "I decided to keep my dignity so I stayed. Later I couldn't sleep, but at least I didn't give Cisco reasons for jokes. Actually, he was more frightened by those clowns than me."

He smiles slyly and nods his head, although he doesn't believe her at all. Now he has a moment to think about how wonderful he feels. However, there's one more thing left to make him truly happy. He wants to see Caitlin's eyes, so he reaches for her glasses. Caitlin holds her breath as his hands touch her face and gently remove her glasses. Brown eyes stare at him carefully, but nothing he can read from them. They're sitting so close that he feels her breath, her knee comes in contact with his.

Without thinking of what he's doing, Barry tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. Caitlin's hand wanders to his face and shyly touches his cheek, then his chin. Neither of them says anything, their looks lead their own conversation. He can only gaze at her with affection when she gently studies his skin with her fingers.

His hands rest on her shoulders, then slide down her back and pull her closer. To his surprise, his heart is not jumping so fast anymore. He calms down, under the influence of her touch his body relaxes.

"Do you kiss on your first date, Cait?"

"Only with you," she answers, putting his face in her hands. "Kiss me, Barry."

Caitlin doesn't know where this sudden courage comes from, but she doesn't care at all. The most important thing is what she wants, and she wants him.

Her eyes close as his lips find hers. Barry kisses her slowly, savoring the taste of her lips. She rakes a hand through his hair and moves away to look at him once again. Then she leans back and they share a deep, passionate kiss for a few seconds.

When sometime later they descend from the hill holding hands, smiles don't leave their faces. If Barry had to describe how happiness looks like, he would describe Caitlin walking beside him and smiling sincerely.

He hardly looks away and stops, surprised by the fact that the car park is completely empty. After a moment he hears a laughter beside him and watches Caitlin cover her mouth with her hand.

"It seems like someone stole our bikes," she states the obvious thing, enjoying the chance of vengeance on Barry.

"You mean piece of lumber," he sighs but then chuckles. "Well, we still have another conveyance."

And before she can react, he takes her in his hands and a breath of wind carries her laughter, as he carries her home.


	15. Hope

**Title:** _Hope_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Cisco Ramon

 **Summary:** _Barry struggles with his hopeless situation as everything reminds him that Caitlin's gone. He decides to confront Killer Frost, believing that the woman he loves can still be saved._

 **Beta Reader:** none

 **A/N:** _This one shot reminds me of "Let her go." Which one is better? I'll leave this decision for you :)_

* * *

Barry's first instinct after waking up is to pull out his hand and make sure that she's still there, sleeping just beside him.

His fingers reach the emptiness where Caitlin's head should be, then fall on her pillow. Barry slowly opens his eyes and it takes him only a few seconds to remember his hopeless situation.

To remember that she's gone.

Memories flow from the depths of his mind and for a moment he can imagine that Caitlin's still here.

 _In one of his memories, he wakes up next to her. They are turned to each other, so her face is the first thing he sees when he opens his eyes. Breathing slowly, she seems defenseless and calm when she's asleep. He can't help but gently touch her cheek. Her skin is warm, a corner of her mouth lifts._

 _"Barry," she mumbles without opening her eyes, her sleepy voice makes his name sound better than usual._

 _"Good morning, Cait." He gives her a quick kiss on the forehead. "I wasn't going to wake you up."_

 _"It's okay, we're probably-" She opens her eyes instantly and looks at him with fear. "Barry, we will be late for work!"_

 _He laughs when she jumps out of the bed and starts to dress up._

 _"The world will not fall apart just because we decide to show up at Star Labs a little later," he says. "In the end, no one can fire us. Actually, we could stay all day at home. I'll call Cisco."_

 _"You're a hero, Barry Allen. Heroes don't take a day off."_

 _Her expression hardens and Barry knows that making her stay won't be easy. However, he's ready to take a challenge, so he grabs her at her wrist and pulls her closer._

 _"I know I can tempt you into spending the whole day in bed, Caitlin. Only you, me, Netflix and food."_

 _She purses her lips and he can say that she fights with herself. He draws her closer until she lays on the bed, then he leans to her. A little giggle leaves her mouth as their lips meet._

 _"Sounds very tempting," she mutters between the kisses, "but if we get a call, we leave immediately. Understood?"_

 _"As you wish, ma'am."_

Barry gets up from the bed, knowing that Caitlin's absence is the reason for his pain. He goes to the bathroom and notices her cosmetics on the dressing table. Barry can even promise that he still feels her scent. He takes a long shower, trying to clear his mind. Instead, he thinks about Caitlin. About her wet hair when she comes back from the bathroom and spreads drops on the floor. About her wonderful body as he touches it with his hands. About her face stripped of makeup, but still beautiful.

He's not able to stop thinking about Caitlin as about the person who used to be his girlfriend. Someone who used to be a strong, independent, kind and smart woman. He just can't make himself think about the person she has become.

Barry wishes Killer Frost didn't exist and Caitlin was still here, walking around the house and just being alive.

It's hard to distinguish the water flowing on his face from the tears falling down his cheeks, so Barry dresses up and goes to the kitchen.

He rests his hands on the top of the table and bends his head, reminding himself how he felt when they used to eat breakfast together. When they were happy.

 _"Something smells good."_

 _Barry hears her voice behind him. He turns bacon to the other side, then glances at her over his shoulder._

 _"For a moment I was going to joke that it's you who smells so good. But then I realized it could be offensive. I guess no woman wants to smell like scrambled eggs with bacon."_

 _"Yeah, that would be a mistake," Catlins admits. She sits on the counter and watches Barry make the dish. "Since when are you doing breakfast?"_

 _"Since when you burnt toast," he explains with a big smile on his face._

 _Caitlin crosses her hands on her chest, pretending to be offended._

 _"It was one time, Barry. I'm a good cook."_

 _"As good as a singer," he jokes, struggling to keep his face serious._

 _She jumps off the counter and without looking at him, pours coffee into the mug. Then she sits on the chair that is the furthest away from Barry._

 _After a moment, Barry puts a plate of food in front of her, but Caitlin looks away._

 _"Don't be offended, Cait," he begs. To make it even more dramatic, he kneels in front of her. "Forgive me for being such an idiot. I will never say again that you can't sing. Or cook. I'm not better than you; I can only make scrambled eggs."_

 _Caitlin puts a piece of food on her fork and tastes._

 _"Awful," her nose crinkles and Barry can easily tell that she's lying, "but I'll eat it just because I don't want you to feel bad."_

 _"Wow, that's really nice of you." Laughing, he takes a seat next to her. "Oh Caitlin, I love you so much."_

 _She gives him a happy smile and she doesn't have to say it back. He knows she loves him, too._

Barry turns around hoping to see her. Just like he used to. But there are only memories, nothing more. And suddenly he knows what he has to do. He needs to see her, even if it's not his Caitlin anymore. He just needs to see her.

* * *

Cisco is the only person Barry sees when he enters the Lab. His friend writes on the computer, but when he notices Barry, he stops to send him a light smile.

"How is she?" Barry asks, leaning against the desk.

"Nothing changed," Cisco sighs. He leans back in his chair, sadness clouds his features. "Malicious comments, self-confidence, lack of any positive emotions. Killer Frost is like a snake that just waits until it can bite you."

Barry taps his fingers on the desk, trying to fight his inner voice that keeps encouraging him to let go.

"I miss her," Cisco confesses, surprising him. "I miss her so much."

Without hesitation, Barry obviates the desk and hugs his friend. If anyone could see them, they would immediately notice how these two care about Caitlin.

"Yeah, me too. I feel her presence everywhere and it hurts. That's why I have to talk to her, Cisco," Barry says when he pulls away. "I know that this time pep talk won't be enough. I know that I won't bring her back with the help of words. The only thing I know is that she's still there, that she's not gone for good. We can't give up."

"Okay, Barry, just be careful."

Giving Cisco a friendly pat on the arm, Barry goes off to meet the monster who took the love of his life away.

He hides his hands in his pockets and reveals a glass separating them. Killer Frost doesn't look at him as she has her back to him, but she quickly recognizes the person standing behind her.

"It's you again," she drawls. "Barry Allen. The fastest man alive, yet always too slow to save the people he loves."

Then she turns to him. Barry doesn't find any emotion on her face when their eyes meet. Her white hair and blue lips make him want to look away. He used to love everything about her. Now it's hard to stare at her because even if she's still beautiful, she's also completely different. And it's not only about the appearance.

"You're right," he admits after taking a deep breath. It hurts so much but he doesn't want to hide his pain. He doesn't care what she might think about him, what she might say. He believes Caitlin is listening too. "I wasn't fast enough to save you. I wasn't even there when you needed me the most. I'm sorry."

Shaking her head with a scoff, she says, "Always apologizes, never learns from his mistakes. Too bad you can't do anything about it since Caitlin Snow is irreversibly and immeasurably _dead_."

She places extra emphasis on the last word. Barry looks away, his fists tighten in his pockets as his eyes fight back the tears.

"I refuse to believe that," he responds with his eyes closed.

"Why? After all, she was very weak. Weak people don't survive."

"She wasn't weak. You are." He looks up at her. There's a sudden strength in his voice. "Caitlin has been fighting with you for months. Being aware of the danger, she did everything she could to help her friends. Even if she had to use the powers she was afraid of. She once defeated you." His eyes glisten when he speaks with passion about the woman he loves. "Right in this room. I told her to kill me. And she didn't. You know why? Because she was stronger than you. She's still is. I believe she's still there, deep inside of you. And you can feel her. You can feel her fighting. She never stops fighting."

Killer Frost gives him a bitter laugh, though she doesn't seem so confident anymore.

"I feel nothing," she snarls, toying with a lock of white hair. "I have to admit that your theory is quite interesting but also untrue. The truth is quite simple, Barry. Caitlin Snow is gone," she states ardently. "Get over it."

Barry nods and turns around. As if he wanted to leave and accept his defeat. However, after a while, he looks at her again and this time he grins. He isn't gazing at Killer Frost now; it's Caitlin who he sees. Through the eyes of imagination, he glances at his love and directs his next words to her.

"I don't care what you are, what you did, what you're capable of. I love you and I know that you love me too. It's all that matters. I'll save you, Cait, I'll bring you back. I promise."

He leaves Killer Frost alone. She's glad he no longer can see her face because she feels something she cannot explain. A feeling... a positive feeling that doesn't belong to her.

It's Caitlin's hope.


	16. I'm saying goodbye

**Title:** _I'm saying goodbye_

 **Characters:** Caitlin Snow, Barry Allen, Savitar

 **Summary:** _Defeated Savitar waits for his upcoming death in STAR Labs. Caitlin struggles to know who she really is, as she says goodbye to both Savitar and Barry._

 **Beta Reader:** none

 **A/N:** _One shot from the series "how it should have ended" or "what the fans of snowbarry deserve but will never get." As you can see, I'm not satisfied with this finale and I'm angry with Barry. To be honest, I preferred Savitar because at least he didn't pretend to be a hero and he treated Caitlin better than Barry who is supposed to her FRIEND. Okay, let's stop complaining and start thinking about something fluffy, right? The next one has to be a fluffy one! The hiatus of The Flash doesn't mean my work has to be on hiatus as well so I hope the summer will be full of snowbarry one shots! Thank you for reading my work, it means a lot and makes me want to write more and more. It's been two years, guys! Love you!_

* * *

She enters the room quietly and rests against the door frame. For a moment she's watching him as he's sitting with his face hidden in his hands.

Among all the thoughts crossing her mind, she wonders what he might feel. Is he afraid of the upcoming death? Is he pissed at himself for failing to win? Has he already surrendered and now is he helplessly waiting for the inevitable?

Suddenly his head rises slightly, his body straightens, and his hands rub his face. Caitlin holds her breath, ready to withdraw.

"You took a cure," he whispers, without turning around to see who's behind him. He knows.

She's quiet for a moment. Then she takes a step closer, close enough for her to see the scar on his face.

"No, I didn't. I couldn't choose between Caitlin Snow and Killer Frost. Perhaps I'm something else."

He doesn't ask her to leave, so she finds some courage in herself, takes a few steps, and then sits down on his right side. She rests her hands on her knees, not knowing what to do with them.

After a long moment of silence, she takes a look at him. His eyes are closed, he's breathing slowly. Caitlin glances at his scar and struggles to keep her fingers away from it. This defect doesn't fill her with disgust, on the contrary, she wants to touch it. The scar on Savitar's face reminds her of her scars. Only that her scars are hidden deep beneath her skin. Inside her heart.

He opens his eyes, and she looks away, embarrassed.

She feels his eyes on her and knows what he sees. He looks at her white hair that is a remnant of Killer Frost. Her heart beats so fast that she is almost certain he can hear it. He surely hears her heavy breathing. Maybe he's wondering why she's here.

Caitlin's wondering why she's here too.

"How much time do you have?" She asks faintly.

Their eyes meet, but she can't read from his face what he feels.

"I guess a few minutes, an hour at most," he shrugs as if it wasn't important. Apparently, he has already accepted his fate. "Are you here to say goodbye and stay with me so I won't be alone when I die?"

"I don't know," she admits.

"After all, you act like Caitlin Snow," he sneers looking away. "You came back to STAR Labs. You want to keep helping Barry Allen after everything he has done. He gave you powers by creating a Flashpoint, then he asked you to use them in order to save Iris. Finally, he didn't do anything when you died and became Killer Frost. He doesn't deserve you."

Although Caitlin would very much like to deny him, she can't. Too many times she has justified Barry's bad choices, too many times she has forgiven him. This time, however, she realizes that he really did nothing to save her. He was too busy rescuing Iris, who eventually has been saved by H.R.

"You and Barry had some emotional moments here." He looks around and she follows his gaze. "You two hugged each other thrice here if I'm not wrong. Once when you came here for the first time since Ronnie had died. Barry comforted you. The second time when you hugged him to say goodbye. The last time he brought you back from your dark side. You hugged him and he said-"

"Enough," she interrupts him fighting back tears. "Why are you saying all of this?"

There was one more hug, the one with Barry and Cisco after Zoom had let her go home. She doesn't feel a need to point it out, keeping that sweet memory deep in her mind and heart.

Savitar looks at her and at the sight of her glossy eyes his expression changes.

"I'm sorry, I just... I just think that you and Barry have a unique connection. You have always believed in him, in his abilities and decisions. He has understood you, known how to make you feel better. The pain that you both felt was the thing that connected you at first. Maybe that's why we made a team, you and I. Killer Frost couldn't get rid of her feelings for Barry. And I, despite the fact that Barry's life isn't really mine and I'm just an aberration... I wanted to have you on my side."

"You're not an aberration for me." Recognition dawns on her face as she dares to say it. "You helped me embrace my powers. You helped me understand that I don't have to be scared anymore. You killed H.R. and tried to kill Iris... that's why I should hate you, but you're going to die soon and after all you have done for me I don't want you to be alone. Maybe it proves that I'm a bad person."

"No, it's a proof that you're a good person. You're always been good to Barry, to me... I'm a monster and a killer, but I would never hurt you."

The tears fall down her face as she gently touches his scar with her fingers. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and lets himself feel like a hero who deserves to love her; feel like her Barry Allen.

"I guess it's a goodbye, Caitlin."

His voice seems to come from afar as he slowly pulls away from her.

"Barry," her voice breaks.

And suddenly there's only the emptiness under her fingers. He disappears as abruptly as if he had never been here before. Caitlin's alone again, without anyone who could understand her fully. She wipes the tears from her face and lets out a harsh breath, only now realizing that she was holding it.

"Cait?"

She turns slowly to look at him. He stands leaning against the door frame as she has before. He's staring at her with a sad smile plastered on his perfect face.

Caitlin stands, uncertain what she should say to him. She doesn't want to be angry with Barry just because he didn't save her. Did she really need rescue? But she can't hide that she feels a little disappointed. She would do anything for him, while it was too easy for him to give up on her.

"He's gone," she says.

The tears are still in her eyes, but she decides that she won't allow them to fall down her cheeks.

No more crying.

"Are you okay?" He asks and something inside her breaks.

He sounds like the old Barry. The one who cared about her as much as she cared about him. Or maybe he's never cared about her that much... maybe she's been just too blind to notice it.

"Not really," she responds, heading for the exit.

When she passes next to him, he grabs her hand. She pauses, looks at their joined hands, then straight into his eyes. It would have been easier if she didn't see regret in them.

"I know I failed you. I should have been a hero, I should have saved you. I haven't and I'm sorry, but I can fix it. You don't have to leave. You can stay with us... with me. "

Out of habit or perhaps because of her longing for his touch, Caitlin wraps her arms around his solid torso. He hugs her tight, his hand lightly stroking her head. She recalls how Savitar talked about their common hugs. Barry's touch used to make her feel safe, calm her down. Barry was her safe haven, maybe even home. Now she isn't feeling anything. Maybe it's because she's no longer that Caitlin, who was so attached to Barry. Or maybe because he's no longer that Barry whom she loved.

She lightly kisses him on the cheek, feeling that despite her tremendous efforts tears are falling down her face.

"I need some time to figure out who I am. On my own, without you."

With her heart broken and tears filling her eyes, she walks away knowing that she'll come back.

Eventually, they always find their way back to each other.


	17. I would marry you

**Title:** _I would marry you_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Patty Spivot, OC

 **Summary:** _Barry and Caitlin attend Patty's wedding. As he watches Patty's happiness, Barry finds his._

 **Beta Reader:** none

 **A/N:** _Fluffy? Fluffy! Enjoy :)_

* * *

"I can think of a million places I'd rather be right now," Barry said, nervously improving his tie once again.

Caitlin rolled her eyes, hardly holding back a laugh. She pushed his hands away and neatly tied his tie. Their bodies were so close that for a moment Barry forgot the reason for his stress.

"Me too," she replied, raising her head to look at him. It wasn't Barry's first time that night that he was captivated by her beautiful face. "Believe me, Barry, I would have felt much better if you weren't so upset."

"I'm sorry, Cait. You didn't have to come with me, but you did and I'm very grateful. I don't know if I could do this without you."

Although Caitlin would not say it aloud, she thought that something in Barry's behavior was actually very sweet. Perhaps it was the way he looked at her as if he was about to faint in her arms. She almost giggled.

Hoping there would be a lot of alcohol at the wedding, Caitlin grabbed him by the arm and said, "Let's just get it over with."

Together they crossed the threshold of the big hall. The room was filled with tables full of food and, thank God, alcohol. There was also a scene for the band performing tonight and, above all, a lot of guests invited to the wedding. Caitlin gasped as she saw the colorful balloons hanging from the ceiling, the beautiful dresses of dancing women, the smiles of the men who admired their partners' beauty.

In the crowd, Caitlin was looking for the bride, while Barry felt the droplets of sweat appear on his forehead. He wished he could get drunk, knowing that the whiskey would help him overcome his fear. What was he so afraid of?

He had to calm down if he didn't want to seem crazy in front of Patty and her new husband. He took a deep breath and did the only thing that came to his mind, which could make him feel better. He looked at Caitlin and imagined that except him she was the only person in that room. It wasn't that difficult because Caitlin looked wonderful. She was dressed in a long, beige dress with black accessories. She was looking around like hypnotized, not aware of his eyes watching her carefully. He was gazing at her red lips lifted into a slight smile, brown eyes highlighted with black mascara, curly hair falling on her back.

"You look stunning, Caitlin." The words left his mouth before he could even think about them.

She slowly turned her head and when she caught his look, something on her face changed. Her smile faded and her eyes shone in the gleam of the chandelier above them. Before Barry could realize what he was doing, he reached out and tucked a lock of her curly brown hair behind her ear.

Gently grabbing his hand still placed on her face, Caitlin attempted to say a few things, but at the same time, the bride and her husband appeared, and all the magic of the moment disappeared.

"Barry! Caitlin!"

Patty fell into Barry's arms so Caitlin was forced to let go of his hand. The boy patted his ex-girlfriend on the back, surprised at how easy it was to greet her. There was no trace after his previous nervousness. Over the shoulder of the woman, Barry noticed Caitlin who exchanged a polite handshake with Patty's husband.

"It's been awhile," Patty said, pulling away from Barry to hug Caitlin. "I'm glad you came."

"Thank you for the invitation, it's a pleasure for us," Caitlin asserted, smiling friendly. "You look beautiful by the way, Patty."

Barry had to agree with her. In a long white dress and with her hair tied into a bun, Patty looked dazzling. She hadn't changed much in a year, but she seemed much happier and Barry suspected that it was not just about that special day. She was really happy, probably more than she had ever been with him.

"You're still so sweet, Caitlin. Please, meet my husband, George. George, meet my friends from Central City, Barry Allen and Caitlin Snow."

Caitlin quickly noticed that sudden sadness clouded Barry's features when he shook George's hand.

"We have a present for you two," she informed them a bit too loudly, wanting the attention of the married couple to be fully focused on her.

She pulled a small robot out of her purse and handed him to Patty who was definitely surprised by the mysterious gift.

"Cisco made it. It starts working when you push the button. Oh, this one, you see?" She showed them, allowing Barry to have a moment to cool down. "This is a really great invention. It has sliding arms and that's why it can wash dishes, fold sheets and iron clothes. In addition, it has an android system, so it acts like a cell or computer, except that it itself receives calls and sends emails. You just have to tell it the content you want to send."

"Pretty cool, huh?" Barry stated, speaking for the first time since Patty had come up to them.

"That's amazing," George admitted.

"Honey, I guess we won't have anything to do at home. This robot will be our maid." Patty giggled. "Please, thank Cisco from us. We have to go to greet the rest of the guests, have fun."

Caitlin watched them leave until they disappeared into the crowd of people dancing. Then she glanced at Barry, who was holding his hands in his pockets and staring at the floor with an inexplicable expression on his face.

"Barry, are you okay?"

The concern in her voice forced him to look at her.

"Yeah, it's just so weird to see my ex-girlfriend with her new husband," he confessed. "I don't think she ever was that happy with me, you know."

"I'm sure she was. Come on, we'll find some food for you and some alcohol for me. It's gonna help us survive this evening."

She pulled him by the arm toward the table filled with delicacies of all kinds.

"Alcohol?" Barry asked doubtfully. "But you aren't gonna sing, are you?"

Caitlin remembered their karaoke and how drunk she had been back then while Barry started to hum "Summer Nights". A flush crept up her face as she jokingly hit him on the arm.

"Very funny, Barry Allen," she snorted, but even though she pretended to be annoyed with him, she couldn't stop the smile from appearing on her face. "I see you're getting better."

Two hours later, he actually was having fun. Sitting at the table, Barry had a view of the entire hall. Although there were many beautiful women, who he could ask to dance with him, his eyes were fully focused on Caitlin standing close to the buffet.

He watched her innocent smile triggered by two glasses of tequila. She just put a piece of cake on the plate and waved at him, probably to ask if he also wanted a piece. Barry nodded, laughing sincerely. Caitlin turned away from him, and in her movements, Barry noted a slight swing in the rhythm of the music. He realized she really liked that evening.

"Hi, Barry." To his surprise, Patty sat down next to him. He was so busy looking at Caitlin that he didn't even notice when the bride approached him.

"Do you enjoy my wedding?"

"I do," he admitted. "I think Caitlin does as well."

They both looked at Caitlin, who licked her fingers from the whipped cream. Barry took a sip of the wine, wondering how it would feel to kiss Caitlin's lips.

"I'm glad you brought her with you. I honestly thought you'd come with Iris, but now I see that you and Caitlin... you're a sweet couple."

Barry choked on a mouth full of wine so Patty had to pat him on the back. Only then he regained his breath.

"No, we... Caitlin's not..."

Coughing and sputtering, Barry couldn't find the right words. None of the noises he made actually turned into words let alone sentences.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just thought that you're together, you know from the way she was holding your hand when earlier I and George approached you. And the way you're looking at her... are you sure there's nothing more?"

Barry stared again at Caitlin. She was now listening to an older gentleman, grinning at him kindly as if he was her grandfather with a bunch of war stories ready to share with her.

"I don't know," he conceded, peeping at Patty. "You seem happy, Patty. Like you never were with me. Is George good to you?"

Patty had to hear the sudden sadness in his voice as her expression softened. They shared a history together. He was happy with her once, even if it was such a brief feeling with no chance to survive.

"He is," she answered with a smile. "I love him, Barry, but it doesn't mean I'll ever forget about you. I won't."

He reciprocated her smile, feeling a sudden surge of positive emotions. He was about to remember Patty forever.

"I'm happy for you." Barry hugged her. "If you ever needed me..."

"I know, Flash, I know." She stood up, holding a hand on his shoulder. "I found my happiness, now you have to find yours. I think it won't be that hard, it's actually getting closer."

Barry looked up and saw Caitlin heading for him with two plates filled with cake. When he turned back, Patty was getting away from him, probably looking for her husband. Patty was leaving, Caitlin was coming. What a metaphor for his life.

Smiling, Caitlin put the plates on the table. At the same time, her hair waved slightly like waves in the stormy sea. There were delicate blushes on her cheeks.

"Shall we dance, Dr. Snow?"

He got up and reached his hand out to her, ready as never before to listen to Patty's advice and fight for his happiness.

Caitlin took his hand and let him led her to the dance floor. She had drunk some of the alcohol, but despite a slight dizziness, she was well aware of what was going on and how Barry had changed that night. As they had entered the room, Barry's body had been covered with sweat and his face had been pale as paper. Now he was confident and charming, his face lightened with a big smile. And above all, it looked like he wasn't thinking about Patty anymore, just about Caitlin.

As if she was the only thing that mattered.

They began to sway to slow music. Her chin on his shoulder, his hand on her back.

"I thought I would have to wait for our wedding until you invited me to dance, " she whispered in his ear, her lips close to his skin.

Barry stiffened and pulled her away slightly to look at her. His heart speeded up as Caitlin chuckled.

'It was a joke, Barry," she explained, but the seriousness on his face confused her. "A stupid one, but still a joke."

"Cait, if this day wasn't about Patty and George, I'd do it. I would marry you right here, right in this moment, right in these clothes. I would marry you without a hesitation."

No words seemed appropriate, none could make that night even better. Aware of that, Caitlin was quiet for a moment.

Then she took a step closer and touched his forehead with her. Closing his eyes, he focused on her smell; a blend of roses, strawberry shampoo, and alcohol.

"Are you proposing to me, Mr. Allen?"

Her voice was quiet, almost like a whisper but despite the bustle around them, he heard it perfectly. It sounded like a melody striking him in the heart.

"Not yet." Barry smiled, still having his eyes closed. "I will wait for the right moment so it can romantic and only about us. I just want to know if you'll say yes. You know, it's silly to propose and hear that..."

"I will," she interrupted him, placing a finger on his lips. He raised his eyelids to look into her eyes. "I always will."

She took his face in her hands and kissed him gently.

"I can't think of any place I'd rather be right now," Barry said.

He felt her laugh with his whole chest, as she hugged him tightly.

"Me neither."


	18. Out of control

**Title:** _Out of control_

 **Characters:** Barry Allen, Caitlin Snow, Cisco Ramon

 **Summary:** _Cait and Barry are training together, things get hot and Cisco cockblocks them + "I can't decide whether to kiss you or kick your ass"_

 **Beta Reader:** none

 **A/N:** _I miss Caitlin_ _but I don't miss the Flash as the show, can you feel me?! I'm trying not to think about the canon and focus on my fluffy ideas. I hope you enjoy this one!_

* * *

"I need you to kick my ass."

 _We have come a long way_ , Caitlin thought with amusement. Some time ago, her job had consisted of patching Barry up whenever he had come back from a fight with a strong opponent. Now she was going to be the one to hurt him. It seemed to her that the times when she had been the caring dr. Snow had taken place in another life. It was no longer possible for her to imagine anything but the existence of who she was now. Something between Caitlin Snow and Killer Frost.

"Are you sure? You can get hit pretty bad," she warned him, preparing to attack.

Barry grinned and Caitlin hesitated. What if she really would hurt him? It was supposed to be just a training that was meant to teach her self-control. Caitlin still didn't know her full powers, she didn't know what she could afford. Hurting Barry wasn't the best way to find out.

"Don't worry, Cait, I'll be fine." His smile became even wider, catching his eyes, and Caitlin suddenly wondered if he wasn't accidentally flirting with her. "Catch me if you can."

"As you wish, Flash."

By allowing her power to flow through her veins, Caitlin felt almighty. Barry began to run around her; his super speed was a challenge for her, but not the one she couldn't accept.

A blue mist came out from her hands as she started shooting at the lightning flashing next to her. Barry was very quick, so to hit him, Caitlin had to anticipate his next move. She lowered her hands and at the time, she let the cold air out of her lungs. The mist coming out from her mouth changed into ice just at the place where Barry appeared. It slammed his shoulder, making him moan and fall on his back.

Her first instinct, as natural as breathing and blinking, was to run to Barry and see if everything was okay with him. Maybe there was more of old Caitlin inside her than she had thought before.

She crouched next to Barry and opened her mouth to ask him about his well-being when suddenly he was just above her, pressing her against the floor.

The presence of his body, so close to her own, took her breath away. Barry leaned over her face so that she could feel his breath on his cheek, the smell of his perfume and the touch of his hands on her wrists.

"When you are fighting with someone, nothing should be able to distract you," he gasped, what made Caitlin understand how hard he was breathing.

Apparently, his reaction to her close presence was quite similar to her own. Although she didn't really want to do that, Caitlin pushed Barry off and swiftly stand up. Her cheeks burned red, yet she managed to shake from the moment of weakness.

Barry was definitely flirting with her.

And she was definitely flirting with him.

"You are exceptionally confident today," she admitted. "Someone must wipe this smirk off your lips."

"Well then, can you do it without your powers?"

His words confused her. Caitlin looked at her hands, ready to change into ice weapons, and then at Barry.

"Without? I'm not a warrior, Barry. My powers are the only thing that makes me strong."

When Barry returned her gaze, his sudden courage, the same one that had allowed him to flirt with her without hesitation only a moment ago, suddenly evaporated. It gave up the place for adoration, caring, some kind of love, all the things she had always seen in his eyes. A corner of his mouth lifted in a friendly smile.

"What are you talking about? I've always considered you to be one of the strongest people I know. You've gone through so much, and yet you've remained a good human being, a wonderful friend, and a brave woman. And now, when you have powers, you are invincible. With or without them, nothing can stop you." His warm words added to her strength, like nothing else. "There are moments in the life of every hero when we can't use our powers and we need to find another way out of the situation. Try to beat me without them."

Caitlin wondered if Barry knew how important he was to her. Did he know he was her rock, anchor, safe haven? She was thinking about it while making a fist blow. Barry blocked her attack, but she didn't intend to give up. She felt a sudden surge of power. The power from Barry's words, from her supernatural abilities, from her experiences that had shaped her personality.

She heard Barry holding a breath as she ran to the desk where she with Cisco often measured the speed of Barry and Wally, bounced off the desk and jumped over Barry, kicked him in the stomach and landed on him.

It all happened in a matter of seconds so Caitlin realized what she had done only when she was resting her body on Barry's and pressing him against the floor like he had before. But that didn't either scare or surprise her.

"How did you do that?" He panted, his chest was rising and falling with rapid breaths.

Holding herself back from kissing him was as difficult as breathing under the water. Simply impossible. Caitlin closed her eyes, remembering his earlier words. She tried to control her breathing and her hands as she controlled her power. But it was not easy.

"I'm not a hero, Barry," she muttered, feeling his soft touch as he brushed back a loose strand of her hair.

"You are to me. You are my hero, Caitlin."

As he was her.

Caitlin opened her eyes and noticed in Barry's eyes something she had never seen before. Or maybe she had been just ignoring it. Barry was staring at her with lust and love, his eyes reflecting what she also felt. She wanted him more than anything.

"I can't decide whether to kiss you or kick your ass."

It was as if these words woke Barry up, forced him to act. He got up quickly, holding her in his arms, and took a few steps. Caitlin sensed the edge of the desk behind her and sat down on it, never taking her eyes off Barry.

"Reminding you that you've already kicked my ass doesn't boost my ego," his lips touched her cheek, "but if you've already done that…"

There was really no decision to make.

She pressed her lips against his and they shared a deep, passionate kiss. Wrapping his hips with her legs, she felt a pleasant warmth in every part of her body. Barry embraced her in her waist, pulling her even closer. Just as she had used to learn how to walk and talk, she was now learning Barry's taste, getting to know his face with his fingers, trying to remember the pace of his heart.

When they ran out of breath, Barry moved his kisses to her neck, and she felt as if she was melting like ice under his touch. It made her so warm that even her power could not cool her right now.

It seemed that her hands were acting without permission when they slid down Barry's shoulders. He moaned, then found her lips again. Her hands slipped under his shirt, touching his bare stomach. It was slightly moist with sweat.

Barry stepped away from her lips, allowing her to take off his shirt and then toss it onto the floor. Unable to hold back, Caitlin again began to kiss him passionately, feeling her body craving for more.

"What the hell, guys? My eyes!"

It took her a moment to realize that Barry didn't say those words. How could he do it if he was kissing her deeply? Caitlin pushed Barry away violently and in doing so, she made him stumble and fall over. Cisco stood just above him, next to his head, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at them as if he had never seen them before.

"I thought you were practicing a control of your powers, Caitlin. Not your tongues."

Barry massaged the back of his head, raising up to sitting position and looking at Cisco.

Caitlin couldn't stop thinking back to what had happened a moment ago. Her body still felt his touch, pink crept onto her cheeks.

"We were, but then everything got too… hot," saying these words, she wanted to collapse underground.

To her surprise, Barry burst out laughing, "Ironic, isn't it?"

"Okay, Barry, I need your help with something," Cisco responded. "Then you lovebirds can get a room. You know there are cameras here, right?"

Laughing, Cisco headed to the exit. Caitlin sent Barry a glaring glance.

"He's not gonna stop, Barry. He will keep reminding us of it constantly!"

"Maybe we need to talk about it… maybe we should not fight it anymore."

They exchanged insecure glances, then Barry leaned over and kissed her briefly.

"Maybe," she teased. "Our training is not over yet."

Barry responded to this with unusual excitement. Smiling and walking briskly, he followed Cisco. When he was at the door, Caitlin called him, "You forgot something."

She threw his shirt at him, knowing she was about to take it off him again later that day.

"Wait for me, Cait! I'll be back soon!"

He walked away in the accompany of her laughter.


End file.
